Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Workout Journal Day #5: Jogging with a stroller is great exercise! And hard work for whoever is pushing me.
I got all my Christmas shopping done. Hope everyone likes bunny ears, ornamental grass, and discounted peeps.
Checked myself for ticks ... but I didn`t hear anything.
My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately.
I forgot to make a resolution, so I`m pretty much going to just write out everything I did last night and add the word "stop" to the beginning.
Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles.
Grabbing a drink after work is perfectly fine.However, you look like an alcoholic when your getting that drink at 6am.
I`m not saying I hate you, but I`d unplug your life support to charge my phone.
My favorite all time cooking shows: 1. Iron Chef 2. Hell`s Kitchen 3. Breaking bad
The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake it then you`ve got it made!
Lasagna is just spaghetti flavored cake.
I super glue one jar of pickles shut and leave it out at the barbecue then watch the humiliation unfold.
Don`t forget to get your hurricane glasses before looking at it.
Still have my French Maid costume in case any of you have a dirty house. I`ll be happy to sit there and look sexy while your wife cleans....
Sometimes I send status updates from my phone so it looks like I left the house.