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Oh Mickey, you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind. Hey Mickey. Hey Hey Mickey!..face it you didn’t read that, you sang it.
If this world got any smaller I`d probably fall off - George T. Ignace
If you`re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek.
Taking viagra for my sunburn. Doesn`t cure it but it keeps the sheets off of my legs at night!
I wonder if people without dogs actually pick food off the floor?
Drinking: because why not intensify the feelings you`re trying to escape?
Well, I`m really not sure what my spirt animal is but I`m sure it looks like road kill right about now.
Geez....Why do they only make hand creams that smell feminine? Why can`t they they make one with a masculine scent? Something like Doritos or WD-40?
Everything just seems much better when you`re in denial
I am fluent in three languages: English, Profanity, and Sarcasm
Just shaved my legs for the first time since October...just kidding, it`s not warm enough for that yet.
I have no idea how I used to look for things in the dark before I had a cellphone.
Bored? Simply send a text message to a random number saying..."I`m Pregnant!"
All of my plans for the future start out with “when I get rich”