Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Your kid is running around the store screaming at the top of his lungs annoying everyone and I`m the a$$hole for tripping him?
We all have that friend who acts innocent but understands all the dirty jokes.
The first rule of Women`s fight club is don`t tell anyone what you`re mad about or why you`re fighting.
The only thing I hate worse than holding a girl`s purse is when it doesn`t match what I`m wearing.
ME- I love it when you lay me down like that, the way you touch my belly and put cold things on me baby DOCTOR- Miss this is a medical examination and you are making me extremely uncomfortable
Just found out the government won`t hire you past age 37. Scratch Navy SEAL off my to do list
I bet attractive people think the world is a lot more polite than it really is.
If I was stuck on a desert island with only one record, I would want it to be the record for being able to swim the farthest.
Fact: No one has ever "Jumped in the shower."
I`m always right. And when I`m not, I edit Wikipedia.
I like dressing in a red polo shirt then going to Target & being rude to costumers
A 15 year old took gold in the Olympics and then there is me whose greatest accomplishment is getting up to 10 on flappy bird.
People often mistake me for being a good listener. The truth is, I really just don`t want to talk.
Sure, I`ll show up at your Halloween Party... I`ll be coming as the invisible man....
When someone hands you a flyer, it’s like they’re saying here you throw this away.