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Its so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way UP
I was pretty sure that at this point in my career I would have henchmen by now!
Sometimes getting unfriended on Facebook is magical....really....it`s like the trash took itself out.
"Rear facing, pedal activated photon cannon" sounds much more badass than "brake lights"
Everyone has a right to their own opinion, no matter how wrong they are. And that`s why we have a problem.
The Internet makes things so convenient. Before it existed, if you wanted to order a DVD online, you had to invent the Internet.
I don`t care how much you like the soap. Never leave a public restroom smelling your fingers.
I do not gossip ... I pass things along ... It`s like a public service.
I wonder what it feels like to be wrong.
Not to brag, but I have completely mastered the right way to do everything wrong.
I`d like to change and get comfy, yet that requires effort. Ever feel this lazy?
I haven`t owned a watch for I don`t know how long.
Every time I see an obese cop, a small part of me hopes he has to chase me.
Iām dedicating this status update to all the status-less people out there. Stay strong.
I ordered an Asian hooker last night. She showed up 2 hours late. She loved me wrong time.