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when she says "size doesn`t matter" what she really means is "I have been disappointed before." :)
“Wow! My political opinion just changed because of what you posted on Facebook” – said no one ever.
They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.
Sometimes I think if it weren`t for the gutter my mind would be homeless...
The only people who care about my college degree are the college loan people.
At work hitting the escape key...... Nothing is happening, im still here.
My sister says god`s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers, so I bought her a vibrator because she`s obviously never had an orgasm.
I`ve officially reached the point in my life where the trash goes out on Friday nights way more often than I do.
he who laughs last thinks slow
thumbs up if you pee on the side of the toilet to make it quiet.
Sometimes you`ve got to ask yourself: "Why am I talking to myself?"
Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not a flow chart?
We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up… After I finish laughing.
Honey, tact is for people who aren`t witty enough to be sarcastic.
I called McDonald`s to make a reservation for Valentine`s Day, just to listen to the stammering and confusion from the kid answering the phone.