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Happy President`s day all. Heading out to buy a new mattress.
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble people, respect it!
Did you know that running for just 10 minutes a day raises your risk of posting inspirational quotes by 63%?
Walmart made plans to hire 100,000 U.S. Veterans. Which can only mean one thing: Walmart is going to invade Costco.
You should have seen the guy who unlocked the liquor store this morning. It was like he never saw anyone roll up a sleeping bag before.
Just completed my sexual harassment training and I think I`m finally ready to start harassing people.
Uses 3 gallons of water to rinse out yogurt container so it can go into recycling bin
This century is already 15% over.
If being an a$$hole was a professional sport, my face would be on a box of wheaties.
When the only light in your world is suddenly gone …it’s time to recharge your phone.
The filling in this fortune cookie tastes like paper...
I have read so much about the dangers of drinking and smoking, that i have decided to quit reading
Pro tip: Go the the gym on one of those 1 day free passes, take 365 selfies then post one every day.
Im just waiting for the day for Ashton Kutcher to go to Charlie Sheen and say "its stilll your show. YOU JUST BEEN PUNK`D!"
Good For OJ, he gets to take another stab at life..