Daily Silly Status

You make me want to be a better class of psycho.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall (he also had a pretty good summer too).

Nothing says “I hate you” like giving someone’s child a drum set.

So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I’d say it’s been a success.

I couldn’t believe it yesterday, when I came home and was told by my wife that my 5-year-old son wasn’t actually mine. She says that I need to pay more attention when picking him up from school…

My ex girlfriend had a really weird fetish. She used to dress up as herself and then act like a f*cking b!tch all the time.

If I could have dinner with anyone alive or dead I would just have two dinners.

If you really want to impress me with the year a bottle of wine was made, bring me one from 2024....

i was sooo funny i cracked me off.......

Yes officer, I know my driving is not 100% perfect, but you have to agree that it is still pretty good for someone who is completely drunk.

eHarmony should be more like Amazon “customers who slept with Tina172 also slept with LuvinLife_83, TaintMisbehavin, and Cat_Lover03?.

Best thing to do when you`re stuck in a group text is to to throw your phone in the street and start a new life and maybe get some chipotle

I think I may be getting harder to love.

With my luck, I`ll die and get reincarnated as myself.

Any wife can be a trophy wife if you bring her to a Taxidermist.