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I may not be the smartest guy in the world, or the richest guy in the world, or the best-looking guy in the world, but,....Oh,hell. Now I`m depressed.
Siri, destroy the vehicle in front of me.
My wife told me her favourite position is when i lay very very still for a few hours........late at night....until the alarm clock goes off in the morning.
Can we just stop with the pre-sliced cheese? Is anyone so busy that they don’t have time to cut the cheese?
The best part about a vacation to England is that my wife won`t need to adjust her driving.
Once you commit to the idea of a closed casket funeral it really takes a lot of pressure off how you live your life.
Synonym: Word used in place of the one you can`t spell.
"How many people work at your company?" About half of them.
My Girlfriend wanted a cat. I didn`t want a cat. So we compromised and we got a cat...
Boobs: Proof that men can pay attention to two things at once.
You are the reason why I bite the heads off teddy grams.
I know it’s “cool” to make fun of celebrities, but the Bieber jokes need to stop. That’s somebody’s daughter.
I stopped watching the History Channel because it`s so outdated.
I went for window shopping , and guest what , I bought four windows....
Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.