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Bored? Update your Facebook to “in a relationship” with someone you’ve never met just to see if they’ll confirm.
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets?
I`ll never understand why the guy that invented braille didn`t just put the dots in the shape of the actual letters.
Whatever you do in life, always give 100%…unless you’re donating blood…
Sometimes I miss being in a relationship, but then I look at my wallet and I feel alright again.
7,000 people were treated in emergency rooms for injuries sustained from fireworks. Don’t be a statistic, let your friend light the fuse
Every day I struggle between “I wanna look good naked” and “treat yourself.”
I don`t have to run faster than the lion. I just have to run faster than you.
Next time you fill out a job application and it asks about military service, it is best not to mention that you`ve gone Commando a few times in your life.
When I die, I am going to haunt the f*ck out of you people.
If they were really trying to prepare high school kids for “real life” they would offer a class called “working with a$$holes”
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
I guess if you spoke your mind, you´d be speechless, huh?
The fact that you don’t find me amazing doesn’t bother me at all, it just confirms what I have suspected all along; that you have bad taste.
Good friends do not let you do stupid things….. alone :)