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Turkish ruler Erdogan was at the White House this week. Sources say he arrived very early so he could beat the crowd.
When I was your age, we had to walk 10 miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
Some people, even in photos, just look like they smell horrible.
Breaking News: I took a bath today
Hi, we`re a group of teens who solve mysteries! We wanna be taken seriously so we wrote a theme song about how we can`t ever find our dog.
We get it poets: things are like other things
"When I grow up, I want to marry a man addicted to video games" ~ No woman ever.
Whoever said “two wrongs don’t make a right” has obviously never experienced McDonalds breakfast after a night of binge drinking.
Laptop speakers, too quiet for music, too loud for porn.
I am having one of those days where my middle finger answers every question.
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate
I bet if you look up dictionary in the dictionary it says "don`t be an a$$hole"
<-- Is my name! Isn`t it awesome!?
Marrying your high school sweetheart is like taking the banker`s first offer on Deal or No Deal.
Every store should have one line for people who have their sh!t together.