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So, when is this Old Enough To Know Better thing supposed to kick in?
Mother mosquito: Hey kiddo, how was your first flight? kid mosquito: Great mom! Everyone was clapping for me.
Nothing f*cks up your Friday like realizing that it’s only Thursday.
I don`t like the term "stalker". I prefer "unpaid private investigator".
Checking the time on your phone twice because you were`nt paying attention the first time
Had a nice, relaxing weekend. I now have ample energy to hate Monday and most of Tuesday.
Somebody told me I need adult supervision. I was like "I Know!" It would be awesome to be able to see through walls and shoot lasers out my eyes.
In hell you`re always trying to spread butter that`s too cold.
If all the worlds a stage and the men and women merely players, how come Justin Bieber gets all the airtime?
If I say sorry I missed you, better look really close the next time you cross the street, I don`t miss twice.
Half-Drunk is a waste of money.
Every so often you come across a person that supplies you with endless motivation, even if it is just to jump into traffic.
The early bird gets the worm. But the second mouse gets the cheese.
I’m just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.
Next on SportsCenter: Where is Tim Tebow watching the Super Bowl and how will that impact the game?