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You just don`t see enough people being taken away in straight jackets anymore.
When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
There are many different ways one can save energy, but my favorite by far is this recliner.
Girls here is an idea.. instead of spending that much money on make up just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.
If money cant buy happiness,explain beer!
If you pull the pin out of a grenade, can you put it back in and let go? I`m going to need a quick answer for this....
I`m sorry. I know I said hi, but I wasn`t really prepared for any follow-up conversation.
I look at you and think "why has no-one hit you with a shovel yet?"
If there’s one thing that I’ve learned it’s, that I should have learned way more than one thing.
"Lets hang out sometime" -liars.
Sorry I`m late, I didnt want to come
May you have a prosperous New Year. I may need to borrow money.
Can`t we all just hit a bong?
I got kicked out of the audience of "Cats" on Broadway for bringing a laser pointer.
I`d say that most of my mistakes can be traced back to when I decided to get out of bed. ... just sayin! ;)