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For once I’d like to get kicked into a bar
I`m still mad that video killed the radio star.
Let’s get naughty and save Santa the trip.
I don`t get it, no matter how many times I call `shotgun` the cops always put me in the backseat.
You know you`re a bad driver when Siri says, " In 400 feet, stop and let me out".
Hello is this HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet and you sent me a printer.
Being a pizza delivery driver is great because literally no one is disappointed to see you
My talent is being wasted, if that counts as a talent.
The fact that Pitbul is even considered a musician is more disgusting than the fact that toothpaste was invented years after french kissing was.
If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.
Might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery, the odds are about the same
The only person that can procrastinate more than me hasn`t even been born yet.
Tomorrow I`m going to start using big words to sound smart....Sorry, I meant utilizing gargantuan idioms to simulate intelligence
With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything.
Due to political correctness issues, "Krazy Glue" will now be known as "Mental Disorder Glue."