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Life is too short to be kissing the wrong a$$.
You guys ever trip out on the fact that Indian people eat Indian food for breakfast?
Before I wash my socks, I just throw one in the trash.
You can always tell the guys that masturbate a lot by looking at their hands. If you look close enough you can see their wedding ring.
I wish relationships were more like cell phone plans - "Free nights and weekends."
Laughter is the best medicine but if you are laughing without any reason, I think you need medicine
To all the lovely ladies here I`m not wearing green....to all the guys here, I know Ju-Jitsu. Just saying
What if God is a woman. Not only will I be going to Hell, but I`ll never hear the end of it.
No great story started with someone drinking water.
I suffer from premature procrastination. It’s when you procrastinate before even receiving a task.
Your baby has no idea that you threw him a 1st birthday party. All you did was inconvenience your friends.
The first 30 years of childhood are always the hardest.
The closest I ever got to murdering is when I held a Oreo cookie in milk until the bubbles stop.
To all the girls who think all guys are the same: Who told you to try them all? Whore.
I use sarcasm because flat out telling you you’re a moron is considered inappropriate and is frowned upon. And I was raised better than that.