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My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying ~ don`t run into anyone you know.
The best way to grill a chicken is to whack it with a rubber hose before you ask why it crossed the road..
The WWF advert asks, “When the ice goes, where do the polar bears go?” ... Well, swimming, I suppose.
If Harry Potter is so magical then why can’t he fix his eye sight?
Thank you for informing me that you have a stick figure family of 6 and a dog. Your minivan had me under the impression that you were wild and single.
Don`t care what your religious or political beliefs are, if you`re male or female, young or old. I will tackle you hard for that last donut.
My boss said “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.” Now I’m sitting in a disciplinary meeting dressed as Batman.
If you smoke after sex, you`re doing it to fast.
I`d like to read an obituary that says "He laid down the boogie and played that funky music till he died."
Life in the fast lane ? Heck, I live in oncoming traffic.
If someone says they`ll always be there for you...make sure you find out exactly where "there" is.
Hiding the bank statement from your husband is the adult version of hiding your report card from your parents.
I still sing my ABC’s to see which letter comes first.
I always drink responsibility I make sure that someone is responsible for buying me drinks.
Whenever I want a klondike bar I just pay for it.