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Just put my money where my mouth is. Pennies taste disgusting.
I like to take an empty Krispy Kreme donut box to work and sit in the break room and watch all of the disappointed faces
I want my next girl to be crazy but more "Lets have sex in public" crazy rather than "I throw hot coffee in your face" crazy.
Teens today have it so easy. We didn`t have self-checkout lanes when we bought condoms.
Happy New Years Everyone! (I stole this status:) )
Sometimes I whisper, "I´m on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world.
went to see the conjuring, and now there`s 10 crosses, four bibles, and a poster of Chuck Norris in my room.
I have an alcohol problem, in that I can`t afford any.
Nice try "Private Caller", but I wont`t answer even if I know you.
To the makers of rice cakes; thanks for nothing!
I`m a lover, not a fighter. So if anyone is giving you trouble and you need me to have sex with them, I`m your man.
I sometimes check my blocklist to see how my prisoners are doing
I like how Reese`s come with two peanut butter cups in the package. That way I can eat one now and then the other one right afterwards.
Mail from Grandma: FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:No subject
Alice in Wonderland taught me to drink things that I`m unsure of