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When does hibernation start? Because I am 100% participating in that.
Some people should be very grateful I don`t have mob connections.
If only my ceiling fan could hold my weight, then I would never be bored again.
I hate when I`m on Facebook and I`m rudly interrupted by a jogger bouncing off my windshield
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer !
I honestly don’t care if you think I’m crazy. You’re just a figment of my imagination anyway.
Do you think when Spider-Man gets stoned with Batman and the Hulk he sometimes thinks the spider on his chest is real and freaks out?
I`m starting to think that Dr. Dre isn`t a real doctor after all...
You know why it`s called almond milk? Cuz you can`t say nut juice with a straight face
Christmas is truly a magical time. It`s made all my money disappear!
When buying a flat screen tv, always remember to put the box in your neighbor’s trash so you don’t get robbed.
You might call it lazy ... I call it selective participation.
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like 10, so you can choose.
Weekends will from now on begin on Wednesday because that is when it should truly begin!
That awkward moment when your trapped in the corner of your shower because the hot water ran out.