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Hey, somebody get ready to wake up the guy in Green Day.
Today has me seriously evaluating my policy of not drinking on the job.
When I die and I`m standing at the gates, I hope they give me the carpenter`s cup challenge from Indiana Jones. I`m totally ready for that one.
If I told you I was a pathological liar, would you believe me?
The best neighbors are the ones you never see.
Two Best Advices For Safe Life : 1. Always Speak The Truth, No Matter How Bitter Harsh It Is ... 2. Run Immediately After Saying It..
Oh, he uses you for sex? Stop bitching…Sex is awesome. Complain when he’s using you for laundry….. or a human shield.
My son asked me to explain women to him, so I bought him an XBOX game for his Playstation.
When I`m bored I like to call in sick to places I don`t work for. I`m getting written up at Kohls.
When people stay in a horrific relationship instead of breaking up, I assume they killed someone together.
Whew! Thank you warning label I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
It was all so different before everything changed.
He who laughs first, must be connected to wi-fi.
I eat my Chinese food just like any other American, with chopsticks, one grain of rice at a time.
Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.