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Hey movie villains - make a bomb where the wires are all one color.
I’m starting to think that the gym isn’t really for me. I went this morning and laid down on the mat to do some sit-ups. I woke up 2 hours later.
A box 5 lb. box of chocolates: $40, Valentines Day card: $3.75, not being yelled at for 35 minutes until the chocolate is gone: priceless!
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
I hate it when 18 wheelers blow their horns while Im driving, that sh*t wakes me up!
May the bridges I burn light the way.
Bad news, guys. Throwing a cat through a wall doesn`t make a funny, cat-shaped hole
If I could time travel, I`d make sure the guy who made up the word Walkie-Talkie got to name more things.
If relationship breakups never existed, the music industry would go Bankrupt !
One time I threw a boomerang and lost it, now I live in constant fear.
It`s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
I told my family that I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle…So, they got up, unplugged my computer, and threw out my wine.
Kinda like Facebook, I wish I could ‘hide’ people in real life.
It`s not that I CAN`T be good, it`s that I`m SOOOOO much better at being BAD!!!
My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I was flattered.