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" a fool and his money ----- are never around when you need a loan......"
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then go find somebody whose life gave them vodka and throw a party.
Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy
Funny how things change with time, I used to hate spankings...
I read an article the other day that said, "if you drink every day you are an alcoholic." Thank god I only drink every night
The truth is, I find it very stressful that Smokey thinks that I`m the only one that can prevent forest fires. I don`t feel trained for this, and I certainly didn`t sign up for the position.
How do they fit all that money inside such a tiny credit card??
Never tell a lie ... unless it is absolutely convenient
If there is enough room to spell `bootylicious` on the back of your shorts...it probably isn`t
Dont freeze your Common sense in the process of being COOL.
Instead of laughing my a$$ off, I`m going to start laughing my stomach off. I`d rather lose that.
If it wasn`t for pizza delivery, you wouldn`t see me shoveling a walkway.
Don`t wait until you`re on your deathbed to tell people how you really feel because you could be too weak to raise your middle finger.
Women use sex to get stuff, men lose stuff because of sex.
Learned a lesson from my dog tonight ... No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that sh1t and move on.