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Helpful Tip: A ceiling fan won`t cut a bagel in half ... Not even on top speed
Since you were smiling when you tazed me, I`m guessing we still have a chance.
The older the Facebook post, the creepier your “like” becomes.
The good thing about Facebook is if someone gets on your nerves enough, you can make them cease to exist in your world and you don`t even have to hide a body.
Being rich doesn`t equal happiness but i`d rather cry in a ferrari
My gift horse is facing the wrong way
A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn`t answer the phone.
On the bright side, all that coal will keep me warm this winter.
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I’d be like “Sit your translucent ass down, I have a lot of questions!”
I get worried when someone posts a kitten pic with a foreign language, I don`t know if they`re showing a cute kitty pet or their dinner.
Think of a number between 0 and 20. Add 40 to it. Multiply by 2. Subtract 3. Now close your eyes.... It`s dark isn`t it.
Sex Ed should require them to listen to a crying baby for 5 hours, and to watch the same episode of a cartoon over and over again.
Due to the economic crisis and ever increasing price of food, the 5 second drop rule has now been increased to 10.
Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?
I fight evil wherever it may be ... except in dark, scary places.