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How do you play religious roulette? You stand around in a circle with your friends and blaspheme, and see who gets struck by lightning first.
Would a transformer buy life insurance or car insurance?
Adding lyrics when you don`t know the words or making words up when you don`t speak the language. ;)
I like to walk through the mall and hand out bags of Cheetos to all the kids I see wearing white clothes
We spend so much money on buying different clothes... without realizing the best moments are spent without clothes
My mother suggested that I get professional help... and that`s when I hired my first hooker.
I hate it when totally random strangers ask me stupid questions like "Why are you licking me?"
There are a lot of side effects to smoking weed. Like never shutting up about the fact that you smoke weed.
Deep down I don`t believe that paper beats rock.
Size does matter ... When ordering a pizza
So the Boy Scouts are going to let girls join. Teenage boys and girls camping in the woods together. What could possibly go wrong?
If your having a bad day, remember that somewhere on this big planet, someone just lost their straw in a capri sun!!
Newton`s third law of emotion. For every male action there is a female overreaction.
I wanna be rich enough to have 11 little people who run out of my closet every morning dressed as a nascar pit crew to make my bed really fast.
I love in horror movies how the person yells out "hello?!" as if the killer is gonna say "yeah I´m in the kitchen, want a sandwich?"