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What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig ? The letter F ?
More tattoo artists really just need to say "No, I`m not doing that."
i feel naked without my mobile !
Fact: 96% of all arguments end with somebody saying “Google that shit!”
Dracula had impeccable hair for a guy who couldn’t see himself in a mirror.
If thought bubbles appeared over our heads, I would get punched in the face a lot more.
Never tell a lie ... unless it is absolutely convenient
You got your chocolate in my peanut butter!
Stop Instagramming words. I`m not following you for your thoughts. Take off your f*cking shirt.
The only stock options I have are chicken and beef.
You know I feel the frustration that The Skipper endured because there are days that I too am surrounded by Gilligans
Receipts are just short-stories about how stupid you are with money.
Hey, people who don`t drive *exactly* like I do. Get off the road!
Cops never say “thanks for committing crimes and keeping us employed”. It’s just plain selfish.
When I`m bored, I send a text to a random number saying, " I hid the body, now what?"