Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Every loaf of bread is a tragic story of grains that could`ve become beer, but didn`t
The toughest part of a job interview is finding the exact right moment to go in for the kiss.
Leaving the house would be so much cooler if someone would yell “Aaaaand Action!” as I walk out the door.
Pro tip: The kids run around a little longer if you forget to hide the eggs
Sometimes I order Domino`s but give them Pizza Hut`s address. And when they show up and start fighting, I just wait with my mouth open.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with pretty daughters do.
Holy sh!t! I just opened a bag of cheddar and sour cream Ruffles and one of the chips was plain. This is a sign, man. God is going to smite all of us f*ckers with his wrath and send us to all to burn in the eternal flames of... Sorry. Just one side of the chip was plain. Carry on.
I hate it when I put a status and you don`t like it,example this one.
My favorite breed of dog? Good question, thanks for asking. Either a corndog or a hotdog.
When the nurse calls my name at the doctor’s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right.
My closet is like 15 shirts I plan to fit into again and 1 shirt I wear every day.
Robots can do anything we set their mind to
Insanity workout? The fact I am even considering putting down my phone and getting off the couch is crazy enough, thanks.
I really have to stop using this little microphone on my phone that types whatever you say as it keeps making mistakes punctuation point