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If you see someone wearing camouflage, make sure to walk right into them so they know it`s working.
Remember years ago when we didn`t have facebook and we had to take pictures of our food and get the film developed at the chemist get all your friends round your house and show them what you have been eating ...the good old days
What is it about a car that makes people think we can’t see them pick their nose?
The older I get the more I understand Squidward`s anger.
Pro tip: when you`re watching a show like "my five wives" with your wife, don`t suggest potential additional wives.
In a parallel alternate universe, my cat and my dog have jobs and I chill at home.
I am losing Facebook friends at an alarming rate. Whatever it is that I said, is working like a charm.
Irons are like 1000 degrees, who`s bright idea was it to make an ironing board the flimsiest contraption ever made?
I get nervous after taking time off work, that in my absence my boss will realize how little I actually do at the office.
The day I understand females will be the day i`ll be officially known as Jesus
I just came online to check the weather. That was 12 years ago.
I`m not leaving here without some kind of balloon.
You know you are in trouble when your mom screams your whole name.
The amount of time my smartphone spends plugged in charging, you might as well want to call it a Land-line
What`s wrong with having your mind in the gutter all the time?! If it weren`t for the gutter, my mind would be homeless!!!