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Is it true that the older you get the crazier you become? Or is that just me?
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek.
Size does matter-just ask Pluto.
My earthquake kit is just a tuxedo, because in case of a disaster, I want to look like the most important person to save.
Personality is 40% genetics, 40% upbringing, and 20% the last movie you watched.
Sometimes I really want to throw paper at people. Brick shaped Paper. Made of brick.
You could completely eliminate the semicolon key and 90% of people wouldn`t notice... until they needed to wink at somebody.
I will never admit to my parents that I don’t believe in the Easter Bunny or Santa as long as I still get presents and candy.
Life Lesson: Never ever, ever do anything you wouldn`t want to explain to a nurse in a busy ER.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Unless your name is “Google”, stop acting as if you know everything!
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed and it was....GREAT!
I got in touch with my inner child and the little sh!t hung up on me.
I have decided to follow my dreams.....starting with that one where I am naked at work.
Printing an expiration date on a bag of Cheetos is just a waste of ink.