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you need a license to drive, but anyone can have a kid.
According to the law it`s not appropriate to put a bounty on my boss. I actually thought it showed great initiative and leadership.
I`ll take "who the f*ck would know that" for $600, Alex.
Sometimes I wanna copy someone´s status word for word and see if they notice.
Dear Mom, If all my friends jumped off a cliff, it`s because it was my idea. Sincerely, Your child is a leader, not a follower.
My greatest achievement today was writing this status.
If you don’t like being tailgated then don’t play movies I like.
If any of you ever want your kitchen painted orange just give a six year old Cheetos for lunch and tell them not to make a mess. Works every time.
Today is Valentine’s Day or as I call it… Tuesday.
If you hear a roommate having loud sex, a cool thing to do is kick down the door and shout "player 3 has entered the game!"
I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
In the beginning, God created Heaven and Earth. Everything else was made in China
Nice try salad bars, there`s only one kinda bar I plan on attending.
Remember, time is more powerful than You!!! One tree makes a million matchsticks......But when the time comes........Only 1 match stick is needed to burn a million trees......
A female mantis kills the male after sex. That used to seem cruel, but now that I’m married with kids I think the male mantis gets off easy.