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Sarcasm, I put that sh!t on everything
I wouldn’t have to manage my anger, if people could learn to manage their stupidity.
Gym Update: Not there.
Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did, except you.
Did you know that if you light a candle under the moonlight and you say 3 times the name of the person you love, you will look really stupid doing that!
I feel like water solves all problems. Wanna lose weight? drink water .. clear face ? Drink water.. Tired of your better half? Drown them
Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they look.
Heads up, peeps. There are over 700 fake Obamacare sites ready to swipe your info. Pro tip: The real site is the one that doesn`t work...
You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket .. I´d miss you alot and think of you often.
Note to Self: In future interviews, don`t say "Safe in your strong arms" when the employer asks where I see myself in 5 years.
Today was about as much fun as a warm toilet seat in a public restroom!
I`ve been sober 136 days. Not in a row, but still...
I`ve seen bride magazines but have yet to see "Eager Groom" magazines.
I didn’t get the job… heading home.. Good Bye Rome.. until we meet again.
The important thing to remember is that nobody asked you.