Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I meet you for a date and you don`t look anything like your pic, you`re buying drinks for me until you do.
I can`t wait for the day when my kids are old enough that I can drink with them and not because of them.
So apparently the numbers on the toaster are minutes? I`ve thought for years it was degree of toasty-ness.
Put that down you fat piece of sh!t` - the title of the dieting book I`m writing.
It may not look like it, but I`m actually very handsome.
Does all this status updating make my ego look fat?
8 more days and I will finally get rid of last years Halloween candy.
The phrase "Go see your Ford dealer" means something completely different in Canada than the United States.
I`ve been single so long now I don`t remember what it`s like for someone to be mad at me for something I didn`t even know it did!
Sometimes I feel moderately intelligent. Other times I have to sing the “ABCs” in my head to remember which letter comes next.
I`m right 98% of the time. Who cares about the other 3%?
I can eat a piece of pie without a plate or a fork what else should I write on this dating site profile?
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much sh!t to carry.
I’ve never met a weekend that I didn’t like.
If you kept one of those jars where I`d have to put in a quarter every time I swore, you would be a billionaire by the end of the week.