Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I’ve robbed banks before and they’re never getting their pens back.
Life is full of disappointments, I`ll just add you to the list.
Apparently this Walmart cashier only brushes her favorite teeth.
I put a pair of boots in the bathroom stall at work so nobody else will use the stall that I like to use.
I hate how homeless people shake their coin cups at me. I get it. No need to gloat that they have more money than me.
I’ve never had angry sex. I’m always happy and quite surprised that it is actually happening.
Folding laundry with a toddler is like trying to straighten a desk full of papers while a fan blows on it.
The art of taking a self pic fast enough that no one sees you. The Stealthfie.
The Internet: 1% information 1% jokes 98% outrage over information and jokes
Word of advice. If your wife or girlfriend ever asks "hypothetically speaking, if I was to arrange a threesome for your birthday, which of my friends would you pick to join in?" Never give two names......ever.
I hate when the cops throw me in the back of the squad car like they didn’t hear me call shotgun.
I thought "twerking" was short for "networking". I really embarrassed myself while giving that presentation to the company`s Board of Directors.
come on people driving is just like coloring, just stay inside the lines.
There is a 3-for-2 sale in my local shoe shop. I almost bought myself a new pair of shoes, but couldn`t decide whether to get an extra left or a right one as part of the offer....
Opposites attract, that`s the trouble with being awesome