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I just want someone who will love me for the a$$hole that I am ;)
With the promise of Free Drinks or Food, I’m willing to go pretty much anywhere.
Saw a woman crying as she was buying tampons last night. ..Must be going through a tough period in her life.
I liked you until you started ignoring me and then I loved you. -Girls ---- Bfanch
Just changed my wireless network name in my apartment to "I can hear you having sex through the ceiling and it sounds mediocre."
There just isn`t enough make-up in this world to cover up crazy.
I was way too drunk last night to drive home. So I drove to another party.
My dream job is a pharmacy cashier & yelling for a price check every time someone checks out anal ointment, condoms, & men buying maxi pads.
Woke up to my teen cleaning the house for "no reason" and now I have a mystery to solve.
A young man gets sent to jail,and gets put into a jail cell with a convict the size of the Incredible Hulk. After lights out, he hears a whisper from the top bunk."Let`s play Mommy and Daddy. Who do you wanna be?" Thinking quick, the man says "daddy." "Then come up here and suck Mommy`s d!ck."
Cookies and porn are always better when they`re homemade!
Not all men cheat. Some of you women just assume you’re in a relationship with the guy.
We`re like hot chocolate and marshmallows. You`re hot, and I wanna be on top of you.
Slipped on black ice today, I thought it was regular ice at first, but when I stood up, my wallet was gone.
Twitter is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.