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I hate those idiots with those bright halogen lights that are blinding, at least they can see my one finger salute.
“Hangover” makes it sounds like it’s all done now. I’d like to propose the term “hanghappening”.
Always have a goal... Example: Turn as much alcohol into urine as you can.
I was just awarded the first place trophy for laziness. All I need now is for someone to accept it on my behalf.
Live life to its fullest even if that means eating everything in the fridge
I`ve been told that I can be condescending... that means that I tend to talk down to people.
For $60, this printer ink had better be hand squeezed out of endangered squids.
If you love someone , let them go. If they dont come back, call them up later when your drunk and see wtf is going on.
The worst thing that can happen when you invite someone over to "watch a movie" is actually watching a movie.
Admitting you have a problem is half the battle. Convincing everyone else that they`re the problem is the other half.
Did you know statistically you`re more likely to be killed by a coconut falling from a tree than by a coconut stabbing you with a kitchen knife.
What if Oxygen makes our voice really deep…. And Helium just brings it back to normal?
Your screenshots of text message conversations tell me: 1. you have a great sense of humor 2. to never trust you
doesn`t need any help being bad but u can come along for the ride if your up for it.
They say children are a gift from god. I`m totally wide-open to regifting.