Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Instead of calling in sick, call in well. Tell them how great you feel not having to go to work today.
The home cooked pizza box says to cook the pizza between 14 and 16 minutes. That`s 15 minutes, right? I`m not reading too much into it?
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of planes.
When I go to someone’s house & they tell me to make myself at home, the first thing I do is throw them out because I don’t like visitors.
Relationship status: If I slam on my brakes really hard... The seatbelt hugs me back.
My dad always used to say, "The sky`s the limit!" Which is probably why he got fired from his job at NASA.
The ideal man doesn`t smoke, doesn`t drink, doesn`t do drugs, doesn`t swear, doesn`t get angry, doesn`t exist
I just found a piece of pizza in my trash can. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!! WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING!!
You are not a "Food Blogger", you`re a "Fat a$$ with a laptop"
Whenever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth … and drink all the vodka inside … It seems to help
People say laughter is the best medicine, but I’d like to think a beer is the way to go.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Can you make garlic bread out of frozen waffles? Asking for someone who wishes they had remembered garlic bread at the store.
USB sounds like a backup in case the USA fails.
Cooking tip of the day: Rub your eyes BEFORE you dice the jalapenos...