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Smelling another person should be a choice. Just sayin’
Meetings are 20% small talk, 5% what the meeting is about and 75% wasting everyone’s time.
Great. Trapped in an elevator with a dead body again. Well not exactly dead yet but he`s making noises with his gum
Im not sure Im comfortable with the fact that there is now a bunch of people in white coats furiously scribbling notes behind a big glass window while im talking to my therapist. Im suppose to just "ignore" them.
Just bought me a medical alert bracelet that says... "probably just sh!tfaced"
If its true we`re here to help others, then what exaclty are the others here for?
I put a bumper sticker that says "Honk if You Think I`m Sexy" on my car. Then I wait at green lights until I feel better about myself.
If a man repeats everything a woman says, word for word,,,,,,,, is he still wrong?
Can`t believe people still say "pot" it`s not the 70s anymore we call it "saucepan" now
At a wedding reception I recently attended someone said, "All the married men please stand next to the person who has made your life worth living." The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
People who cook Hot Pockets in the oven, Where are you getting all this free time?
At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I’ll never know.
Day Light savings this weekend is pissing me off, we will lose a hour we will never get back...........wait...thinkin`.....I guess we do....carry on...
on a scale of 1-10 how honest are you? I would say 10 but then i would be lying!
One night, as I as lying in bed, I looked up at the stars and thought to myself: "What the f#ck happened to the roof?"