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Damn boy! Are you a slinky? Cause I wanna wanna push you down a flight of stairs, then kick you when you stop halfway to the bottom.
The lack of a secret handshake makes me question the strength of our friendship.
Updating my status in the car. Don’t worry, I’m in the passenger seat. Which makes it harder to drive, but fools the cops.
If noone comes from the future to stop you, how bad of a decision could it really be?
What a lovely winter we`re having this spring.
Even when I’m home alone, I still answer Jeopardy questions out loud.
My online dating profile is just a picture of my ex-wife and the words "NOT THIS."
What is an Amish girls favourite fantasy? Two Mennonite
If you get a new job before you quit your old one, it`s considered responsible. But if you do that with your gf, it`s called "cheating."
Smoke a joint before hitting a buffet to really get your money`s worth...Just saying.
I don`t have a drinking problem, you have a problem with my drinking. Big difference.
What idiot called him Alexander Graham Bell instead of Lord of the Rings
thjeo oskl asopa joa sajksla wioj apska shul bhcgy ....Yes I just wasted your time ;)
I scream. You scream. The police come ... It`s awkward ;)
The Spanish version of the Subway jingle “65.63 Peso 0.3 meter largo” isn’t quite as catchy…