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How many "zero likes" do you have to get on Facebook before you realize nobody gives a crap about you
I bought a blowup doll today, but I won`t blow her up until tomorrow. I don`t want to seem desperate.
Is there a way to politely throw breathe mints in someone`s mouth while they`re talking?
Marriage tip: Don`t
My wife gives me sound advice. 99% sound. 1% advice.
Iām actually not funny. Iām just really mean & people think Iām joking.
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again, if you drive a Nissan but don`t call it Liam then what is even the point of you
So I was thinking... since the kids get the Easter bunny, why shouldn`t I expect a visit from a Playboy bunny today?
Why the hell do we still use snow shovels when flame throwers are available?
The bright side of getting attacked by a Cyclops is only having to use half the pepper spray.
Having a dog around pretty much denies any opportunity to take advantage of the 5 second rule
I`m motivated by a need to leave something meaningful in the world & a profound desire to shove it in the face of anyone who`s rejected me.
My Superpower is eating 5 times the "suggested serving" size.
New diet plan: murder all the skinny people.
From what I can piece together, this Pitbull character enjoys "partying"