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I may not have the best parenting skills; but, in my defense, my kids don`t have the best childing skills, either.
I would watch NASCAR if hot wheels designed the tracks.
2017 didn`t need that extra hour back.
whoo hoo...I have new gutters. Please try and keep your mind out of them.
Two clowns are eating a cannibal. One turns to the other and says "I think we got this joke wrong."
I have never preheated an oven but I have pre-eaten a frozen pizza.
If I liked one of your pics from 12 weeks ago, doesn`t mean I`m stalking you...It just means you haven`t looked nice in awhile
I`d fight a bear for you. Well, not a grizzly or a brown bear. But maybe like a care bear. I`d fight one of those sonsabitches for you.
I have an irrational fear of speed bumps but, I’m slowly getting over it.
I`m so good, I scream my own name out during sex.
Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia. There’s a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
I burned my mouth on my pizza and I feel this is a strong metaphor showing me that the ones we love can hurt us the most.
The first person to see a sunset was probably like well this ain`t good.
I don`t always do a lot, but I put a lot of thought into it.
Cop: Sir what is in the bottle next to you? Man: It`s water *hands the cop the bottle* Cop: Sir, this is wine. Man: Jesus did it again!