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People assume when I yawn that I`ve lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.
not to brag but I finished this 14 day diet in 3 hours and 38 minutes.
Calling someone "stupid" is mean. Unless they actually are. Then it`s just a diagnosis.
Girls who don`t get naked when you`re drunk.. Explain yourselves.
Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes...
When Life rains on your parade, get out the Slip-n-Slide.
I just want to be perfect... Nah just kidding, I love being weird
If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that doesn`t let you skip.
I Got so Drunk Last Night ,.I Walked Across the Dance Floor to Get Another Drink, and I Won the DANCE COMPETITION...!!
Behind every good selfie is approximately 47 nearly identical pictures that didn’t make the cut.
I don’t care what women say, size matters in bed. The bigger the bed the more room you have to move around.
"It`s not about who`s right or wrong."~ The person that is wrong
Saw these three things on a corner, in this order: Liquor store, gun store, bank. What could possibly go wrong with that?
I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds.
There are 2 kinds of coworkers. The ones who keep iPhone 5 chargers at their desks and the ones whose names I don`t know.