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I bet the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial doesn`t ever ride his motorcycle on Martin Luther King Blvd in any town.
If you use karate instead of a knife your wife won`t ask you to cut the vegetables anymore
Walked into the kitchen for orange juice; walk out with sandwich, crackers, chocolate milk, and the TV remote I lost 30 minutes ago
I read an actual newspaper today! For those of you who don`t understand, a newspaper is like the Internet but made of paper.
people say i talk in my sleeep , but no one at work seems to notice
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper quietly...."You can see me???"
What age is the best to break it to my kids, that they`re NOT adopted?
Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?
I would lose weight, but I hate losing..
A high-pressure hose will usually stop a coworker from showing you any more baby photos.
This is probably the best idea I`ve had yet! -me, right before I do something stupid
Huh, So you are telling me that these straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress? And not for what I`ve been using them for all this time?
I thought an emu was when you sent someone a cow via cyber mail.
Do homeless people get Knock Knock Jokes?
Waldo’s mom must be worried sick.