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I try to avoid nice people, so they can stay that way.
If my smartphone was so smart, then why it can`t do my math homework
If you see me drinking coffee from a to-go cup in public after 3 pm, that coffee is booze in disguise.
Just finished my first book yesterday. 450 pages. Man, that was a lot of coloring...
If I ever sound inspriational, one of us is drunk.
Plug your headphones into a banana. Everyone will leave you alone twice as much.
Finally got my sh!t together... Now if I can just remember where I put it
Can you imagine the reaction 20 years ago if you showed people a photo album filled with pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?
I`ve discovered two things today... 1. My cat looks so cute in people clothes. 2. I`m probably going to die alone.
I woke up feeling strange this morning...I felt Rested and Relaxed so I immediately Googled my symptoms. Turns out I had a `Sleep in` Apparently it`s not harmful but may be addictive. . .
Instead of walking faster when someone holds a door open for me, I slow down to test their door holding resolve.
7 billion people on this planet and I can`t find one who doesn`t annoy the f*ck out of me.
A nice kid in the park informed me smoking was bad for you. So I popped his balloon with my cigarette and told him so was talking to strangers.
One fun way to describe Facebook is “imagine you are a mind reader in Walmart.”
Kinda funny how the Mayans said we were all gonna die in 2012, but they all disappeared way before us.