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You can tell how a persons life is going by how they press the crosswalk button.
My age is very inappropriate for my behavior.
Every morning, I jog around my block 15 times. Then I pick the block up and put it back in my toy chest..
"I`m only having one" ...said by many, practiced by none.
Did you ever notice how a woman’s “I’ll be ready in 5min” and a guys “I’ll be home in 5min” are one and the same?
If its true we`re here to help others, then what exaclty are the others here for?
Life is like “Facebook” – People will like your problems & comment; But no one will solve them because everyone is busy updating theirs.
If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.
The trouble with living alone is that it`s always my turn to do dishes.
No one understands you better than some crazy weirdos on the internet.
This chick I met last week says she wants a guy who is `funny and spontaneous`, yet when I tap on the kitchen window uninvited late at night dressed as a clown it`s all pantic and screaming.
Live each day like someone else is paying for drinks
Now that there is no FBI director we can finally make copies of VHS tapes
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world...
Just think, there is an entire generation of idiots who will wonder: "Why did they have a hashtag button on landline phones?"