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If gas prices keep going up I`m cutting off the bottom of my car and I`m "Flintstoning" That mf!
I need to find a way to be asleep but still get all my work done.
Everybody says waking up at 5 in the morning to exercise makes you feel great but I think lying in bed for another 2 hours feels better.
99% sure my soulmate is a piece of pizza.
Surly not EVERYBODY was Kung-Foo fighting?
I`d rather spend 5 minutes reorganizing the dishwasher, than spend the 10 seconds it takes to wash the dish that doesn`t fit.
Autocorrect is a great feature, but it can also be your worst enema.
I`m lucky to be broke at a time when minimalism and sustainability are in style.
When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.
They`ve got this brand new machine at the gym. I only used it for about an hour because I started to feel sick, but it`s awesome - it`s got Mars Bars, KitKat Chunkys, Cheetos, crisps.... everything!
If you hear sirens and see some naked dude with jeans on his head running down the street, be sure to throw me a beer.
If anybody out there happens to have my voodoo doll, can u please scratch my balls. I happe to be in a public place at the moment.
B!tch life isn`t a garden ... So stop being a hoe!
All of my plans for the future start out with “when I get rich”
Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it’s a beautiful day.