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I was disappointed to learn that the Discovery Channel’s program “Deadliest Catch” wasn’t about first marriages.
How do you get to be that guy who waves the chopsticks at the the orchestra? I feel like I could do that.
[takes out checkbook][clicks pen] Alright, how much to make these Bit Strips to go away forever.
Helpful Tip : The police never think it`s as funny as you do.
I meant to make you a rum cake but somehow I made you a plain cake and now I’m drunk.
I`ve been waiting all winter to start complaining about the summer heat.
What`s worse to have stuck in your head; a knife or All About That Bass?
Have you ever stopped to think, and forgot to start again?
I`ve just been hit in the head with a werthers, and I thought........... That`s original!!!
I just lost another hour trying to figure out how to reset the clock in my car.
Well h€ll, I was going to post a status about my p€cker, but it was too long.
Is it bad when I´m talking to myself and I´m not even listening?
I wonder how the Never-ending story is doing.
I hate fake people...especially the ones at the mall advertising clothes in front of the stores
Mosquito`s and parking inspectors must be from the same family...