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Contrary to popular belief, it`s actually the fat that makes you look fat. It was never the dress
If your job title is head receiver, you know you`re doing something right.
So,do people in England speaks American now that people in America speaks English?
I only accept apologies in cash.
Kleptomaniacs always take things literally.
When I got divorced, we split the house. I got the outside....
If I weren´t such an alcoholic I would throw my drink in your face
I hope to get to the point in my life where I’m not excited about finding change on the ground.
My favorite breed of dog? Good question, thanks for asking. Either a corndog or a hotdog.
Beauty is only a light switch away...
Government Shutdown: Day Three Jellystone Park still closed. Still no pic-a-nic baskets. Yogi stares at Boo-Boo... Boo-Boo looks tasty.
Global warming is now thought to be a leading cause of documentaries.
The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you, would actually kill me
The closest I ever got to murdering is when I held a Oreo cookie in milk until the bubbles stop.
Women and children first because men deserve a little quiet time before the ship sinks.