Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Jehovah`s witnesses don`t celebrate Halloween. I guess they don`t appreciate random people coming up to their doors.
I came across 3 snakes while mowing the yard today, but those of you in North America already know that because you heard me scream
Talking to you makes me invent new swear words.
People say that marriage is a job...marriage is not a job, its a hobbie!! Dating while you`re married...that`s a job!!
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key
I thought a vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant but apparently it only changes the color of the baby.
Today my role will be played by an overworked, under caffeinated, sarcastic, unstable, asshole. Consider this my disclaimer for the day.
If someone doesn`t return your texts, relax and remember they`re probably just busy not liking you.
Studies show that people who want tribal tattoos are directly related to living under a rock
What scares me most is that some people think I actually know what Iām doing.
Don`t call me names, you don`t know enough words to describe me
You should NEVER say and I mean NEVER say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she`s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at the moment.. :|
Don`t EVER break a pinky promise. That sh!t is LEGIT.
So far this is the oldest I`ve ever been.
Ok ... I just had a talk with myself, and it did not go well. Now I`m grounded.