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We live in a world in where it is easier to get out of a marriage than a mobile-phone contract
Today is Friday the 13th. Try not to be a teenage girl in her underwear at night at a deserted summer camp today.
You know nothing about a woman, until she is drunk and mad at you.
Turtle: I`m the slowest. Snail: No, me. Internet Explorer: Bitch, please
Don`t just lay there... Move! Bounce! Do something!! ~ me, pleading with my hair
Are you always this stupid? or are you just making special effort today...
Remember when AT&T told you to "reach out and touch someone" and you ended up with that restraining order? ... Good times!
My favorite part of country music is the part where I change the station.
I live in constant fear that someone will kidnap my mother in law who lives all alone at 48 W Main St, bldg C, Apt 32 on the 3rd floor.
Why do people say "nice to meet you" before I`ve even said anything? How do you know it`s nice to meet me? I`m an a$$hole.
You know when you`re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That`s happened to me, only with beer.
I was called sexist today. So..i said i think ur mistaken...its pronounced sexy! LOL
Eww!!! Beer does NOT taste good on Cocoa Puffs! ..I`m switching back to my Fruit Loops! ;)
I want my children to have all the things I never had so then I can move in with them.
Look, here’s the deal: If you’re into immature, sexually compulsive men who drink too much and need to be the center of attention at all times, you are going to find me very attractive.