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I`m never more nervous than when I tell a doctor what I actually eat.
I often worry about the safety of my children ... Especially the one who is talking back right now.
Holy crap! I just realized that I´m still it from a game of tag in 1987.
Sorry, I`m in a hurry, lets talk while we walk... You go that way.
You call it free samples, I call it a free all you can eat buffet.
I`ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn`t need my assistance, so I`m going back to bed.
I did not steal your drink. You abandoned it and I rescued it.
If rolling your eyes burned calories, Facebook would be my gym.
The longer I`m left unattended in the Drs office the more tongue depressors I can lick and put back in the jar..... Just sayin
Do I have a plan for the zombie apocalypse? I don`t even have a battery in my smoke detector...
You are right when you realize you were wrong.
Have you ever noticed that the & symbol looks like a guy dragging his butt across the floor?
I often ask myself "What`s wrong with me?" and the answer is ALWAYS "You can`t drink at work"
There are two types of people in this world: those who know how to handle stress, and those who need bail money.
If House of Cards has taught me anything it’s that I need a friend who owns a rib place.