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I would like to wish all of the groundhogs a very safe and happy Groundhogs Day.
I sometimes goto Starbucks for coffee and tell them my name is Bueller ... Then leave before my coffe is ready
How do you get to be that guy who waves the chopsticks at the the orchestra? I feel like I could do that.
ah... Crocs the 21st century version of the chastity belt
My 13yo just dumped his girlfriend and now he`s attempting to get his hoodie back. He`s in for one hell of a life lesson.
Why is it called tourist season if we can`t shoot them?
I never met a teenager driving a luxury car that I didn’t hate.
I see you`ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I`m thinking about getting her a treadmill.
Some of the happiest years of a woman`s life are when she`s 29.
I`m not saying you`re stupid; you just have bad luck when it comes to thinking.
Thanksgiving is a great time to test the boundaries of how drunk you can get before your family members notice.
I went to the store to buy some comdoms and the cashier asked me If I needed a bag ? "I replied No she`s not that ugly"
I don`t care if you wear footie pj`s or sleep with a Snuggie. If you swish Listerine in your mouth for the full 30 seconds, you are BADA$$.
dreams of a better world... where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned