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It’s proving very difficult to find a shop selling “Left Guard” for my other armpit…
Somedays I could do without the life lesson
I just attempted to wash a paper plate if you wonder how much money I have available.
Doctor: Do you drink alcohol? Me: Why? What`ve you got?
Apparently Home Depot`s slogan of "You can do it; We can help" doesn`t apply to masturbation.
is "insert clever remark here."
Did you know that if you light a candle under the moonlight and you say 3 times the name of the person you love, you will look really stupid doing that!
It was hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Pokey, but I’ve turned myself around.
If you want to preview of the new iPhone 8 and try it out for free before buying it just look at your iPhone 7 and pretend it cost several hundred dollars more.
Remember when AT&T told you to "reach out and touch someone" and you ended up with that restraining order? ... Good times!
Two clowns are eating a cannibal. One turns to the other and says "I think we got this joke wrong."
It`s always nice to be called Pretty in the morning. So what if he was hiding behind the trash wearing no pants.
Apparently a teen in Brazil died after jerking off 42 times without stopping. So incase you were wondering. ...41, guys,...that`s the limit.
Cleaning a house while toddlers are in it is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos.
When reality kicks in… add more booze.