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finally got my certification in the mail, I`m officially insane.
He turned to her, ran his hand up her thigh, across her belly and down her legs. When he turned back to watch TV, she asked "Why stop?" "I found the remote!" he replied.
Alcohol is never the answer. Unless someone asked me, "What are you doing this weekend?"
I always look for the best looking cashier at the supermarket and always end up at the self checkout lane
I do take my job seriously; To make sure there are no day old donuts at the local coffees shop.
The rare times my cat approaches me for affection, I run away and hide under the bed so she knows what that feels like.
If you need time alone, announce that it`s time to clean the house.
Im 6`1", blue eyes, light brown hair, fit, own my own compa......oh crap, wrong website, sorry.
Wow, I haven`t seen you since the last time I wish I hadn`t seen you
Sometimes my life feels like a 40 year long episode of Punk`d...
This guy at the gym just did four sets of selfies.
"You should`ve come with us!" well, inviting me would`ve helped..
I wish people`s voices actually sounded the way they do when their spouse or partner imitates them during an argument.
What`s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don`t know and I don`t care.
If you read my entire Facebook timeline from the beginning, you can witness my descent into madness