Daily Silly Status

Stress balls really work when you shove them down someone`s throat.

I like to friend friends of friends then unfriend the first friend to freak out the friend of a friend.

My boss calls it a cubicle. I call it a happiness deprivation chamber.

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, `13...13....13...13.` The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks and looked through to see what was going on. Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick. Then they all started shouting. `14...14...14...14....

Now that I`m turning 40, I need to be careful about what I eat and drink and make sure I am getting my nutrients. That is why I just added pulp-free Orange Juice to my Vodka.

Pokémon means a totally different thing if your stuck in a Jamaican prison.

Perfect has 7 letters and so does meeeeee ....Coincidence? I think not.

We are guaranteed "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness". So, why did happiness get a Lamborghini and I got a `74 Pinto?????

Admitting you have a problem is half the battle. Convincing everyone else that they`re the problem is the other half.

"Go left at the chopsticks in the road" - Chinese directions

I`d like to read an obituary that says "He laid down the boogie and played that funky music till he died."

Lame! I was tricked into watching PS, I Love You! It`s definitely NOT about a guy that marries his PlayStation.

I don’t trust public opinion polls because they don’t take into consideration the fact that the public is made up of mostly idiots.

The fastest way to find out if your wife is just pretending to be asleep to avoid sex is to pick up her phone and start scrolling.

I`m making a list of regrets. Just to be sure I`m accurate, how do you spell your name again?