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That awkward moment when you give the same Hallmark card two years in a row.
I can´t wait until Weight Watchers comes out with a beer.
Smile at the people who hate you. It makes them wonder what you`re up to. :)
Waitress: "Hi, my nam-" Me: "Vodka martini, please."
I still believe in love. But I also believe in sasquatch, nessy, and that I could win the lottery. So there`s that....
Whoever is bringing me the 3 dozen donuts each morning, thank you. But could you just leave them on my desk and not in the break room?
When someone says I love you over the phone and you don`t feel the same, just say `I love youtube` but say it really fast!
I’d go to the gym but I’m still tinkering with the ultimate workout playlist I started three years ago.
All true wisdom is found on T-Shirts.
I hate it when people radiotype us blondes as dumb.
My laptop has a Miley Virus. It`s stopped twerking.
Why can’t we all just get a Long Island Iced Tea?
The saying, "Say no to drugs" has always made me laugh. If you`re talking to drugs, it`s probably too late to say no to them.
Want your favorite song to become your least favorite song? Just make it your alarm tune.
Elevator music bothers me on so many levels