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Just curious, when pirates use text, IM or twitter, do they used emoticons` like .) .P .D or .( or do they try to fool us by using the two eyed ones?
You’re not really living if you don’t have an arch-nemesis.
We`re all here because we`re not all there...
Why can`t my coworkers just play on the Internet like normal people instead of trying to engage me in conversation.
When my kids grow up, I`m going to their house to break their stuff, eat all their food, make a huge mess, say I`m bored & then just leave!
looong and hard, yep thats my pencil.
I wonder what I did in a previous life to get reincarnated as me...
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you’re a terrible person and had it coming.
God gives us only what we can handle... Apparently God thinks I am a bad-ass.
If I were Noah, I’d be grabbing two of every bottle of alcohol
It`s Saturday morning. My neighbor has mowed his lawn AND weeded his garden. I`ve spent ten minutes trying to reach the remote with my foot.
A woman saying "I`m not mad at you" is like a dentist saying "You won`t feel a thing."
Are you reading this from a toilet? I`m writing this from one.
Being an American is awesome. The end.
Not to brag,,,, but legally,,, before something can be labeled "Idiot Proof",,, they have to run it by ME.