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Hey I just met you... And this is Crazy... But this is a nice restaurant... So, Silence your baby!
If someone is jogging at 7am on a Sunday - it`s because they`ve just killed someone right?
I`m a bitch ... What`s your excuse?
God is creative, I mean just look at me.
Sometimes I post crazy shit just to see if my friend`s list will drop a few #`s
Wanna try something funny? Go to a bank and yell "NOBODY MOVE..(Scary pause)..I lost a contact lens."
Do you realize that Scrooge was essentially water-boarded into changing his outlook on Christmas?
Does anyone else get scared when a text reads "Can I ask you a question?"
Sad life : After watching 2 seconds of Spongebob I already know what episode it is ... I`m 41
In retrospect, I suppose "harder" wasn`t the best choice of a safe word.
Depresso; the feeling you get when you`ve run out of coffee.
I tried yoga and I think my downward dog looked more like winnie the pooh getting stuck in rabbit`s door.
DAAAAY-OH! DAAaay-oh! Monday come and me wanna go home.
Trying to master the art of eating a powdered donut without looking like I just left Charlie Sheen`s house.