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Why don`t prison inmates just use liquid soap?
My need for caffeine is so bad I`m going to AA for the free coffee
i dont drink any more and yet again i dont any less either
If you`re going take a bathroom picture, at least clean it off. I can`t see anything through all the toothpaste.
The generation of today are so allergic to everything, future wars will be fought by throwing bags of peanuts and cat hair at each other.
I would’ve slept my way to the top years ago if it actually involved sleeping.
Dear God, thank you for all the animals, and plants, and insects, but were spiders really necessary?
Porn teaches kids an unhealthy and unrealistic idea of how quickly a plumber will come to your house.
The same people that made fun of me for my calculator watch in high school are now wearing Apple watches.
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, “try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal”
Babies are really cute until you meet one that`s not a picture.
Things ain`t nobody got time for: That
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.
If zombies attack the world, everyone will run and hide. Except for us gamers, of course. We`ve been waiting for this all our lives!
why we do not have a romance class...............