Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild
You think you are too small to make a difference? then you have never spent a single night with a mosquito.
DATING TIP: Any time someone is hot and you`re too scared to approach them, remind yourself that they`ve probably had diarrhea at some point
My medical ID bracelet says "just let it happen"
A hard thing about business is minding your own
I`m pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out a$$.
Hearing jokes is always 100 times funnier when you have water in your mouth.
Today I am thankful that I don`t post what I am thankful for on Facebook, every day in November. Or ever.
This is a lousy dating site.
You know its going to be a b!tch of a day when you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
Black, white, gay, straight, Christian, Jewish... It doesn`t matter. It`s all good. But a Pepsi drinker...
Looks don’t matter to me if you’re attractive.
The Swiss must’ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
My goal today is to turn actions into thoughts.
If you’re keeping score in your relationship, I promise you, you’re losing.