Daily Silly Status

"I`d hit that" -old people who drive

ATM is telling me I have insufficient funds. Worst part is I was just walking by minding my own business.

I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you..

Hire a hitman is apparently not the correct answer to "what would you do if you won the lottery"

I just found a piece of pizza in my trash can. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!! WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING!!

I`m just saying it might be a good idea for Liam Neeson`s to take his family members to the vet and get them microchipped.

Screw you recommended serving size. You don’t know me.

Just saw someone eat a kit kat bar without breaking off each individual piece and now I can`t stop twitching.

Whenever you feel sad, just remember that somewhere in this world there`s an idiot pulling a door that says "PUSH"..

Ever look in a mirror wondering about the stranger staring back & then realize it`s your neighbor`s window and they`re calling the cops?

For once in my life, I’d like to get up in the morning and be as excited about it as my p@nis is.

My doctor said I need to workout with dumb-bells. Would any of you like to go jogging with me?

Copy this and paste it in your status if you know someone, or have heard of someone who knows someone.. If you don´t know anyone, or even if you´ve heard of someone who doesn´t know anyone, then do still copy this. It´s important to spread the message. Oh and the hearts ? ? ? ? For crap´s sake, don´t forget the hearts! ? ? ? ?

So how many pokes does it take before its considered a heavy petting?

When I was a kid, there was no Internet. Sometimes people would walk for miles to call me a bastard.