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I hate Cheetos stains on my peignoir.........
if ever you need NOTHING, im here for you.
My dog is a typical guy, I talk to him and he’s all wagging his tail, but I know he’s not listening. I get it ladies.
The only thing worse than sitting on a cold toilet seat is sitting on a warm one.
Unless your "Awesome Sauce" is an actual sauce and it involves putting it on a steak then I don`t want to hear about it.
Please pray for the people still playing Farmville on Facebook.
The guy who named the "chimichanga" should be given more authority to name things.
Sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, I`ll read 4 or 5 status updates and I`ll cry, because I relieze how dysfunctional some of my friends life`s are. but then I`ll smile when I remember things like the leftover pizza from last night sitting on the coffee table!
Pointing out the food you just dropped on the floor to your dog because you`re too lazy to clean it.
HR have advised that I’m not allowed to ask my chubby co-workers if they ate my missing stapler.
I once dated a woman who thought windmills were solar powered. I`m so glad I don`t drink anymore.
To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!
Women, we don`t say this enough, but thank you...Thank you for not killing us in our sleep. Sincerely, Men.
You can not force anyone to love you ... The best you can do is stalk them and hope they give in :)
I use sarcasm because flat out telling you you’re a moron is considered inappropriate and is frowned upon. And I was raised better than that.