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In my head I sound like the Queen of England bitches!
I`d say I`m not a morning person but I`m really not sure I`m an evening person either.
Being fat is when you watch Jurassic Park and wonder if dinosaur tastes good.
Dear liver…. Here is an advance sorry for tonight… sincerely Jimmy…
Today I made sushi at home for the first time. I subsituted a hotdog for the raw tuna, a bun for the rice, and mustard for the wasabi!
If kidnapping is a federal offense, then why is marriage legal?
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I`m still looking.
I just saw a woman getting into a car the wrong way ... Through the driver’s door.
I just keep telling myself you guys don`t have sex either.
Christmas time always make me blue :-(( and then red, then green, then oh wow.. presents...
I shake my bottled water so the H`s & O`s are evenly distributed.
I had my Crayola guy re-run the numbers,,, and there`s only 36 shades of grey
If I have nosy neighbors, I always like to dig five 7 ft. x 3 ft. x 6 ft. holes in the back yard and every couple of days, Fill one in.
I always win at chess ... by hitting my opponent with a brick.
Ever wish the choice you made and the “right thing to do” were the same thing?