Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It`s hard to make your coffee when you haven`t had your coffee.
I accidentally wore green today. And I probably will be drunk later but NOT because it`s St. Patrick`s Day, because it`s Monday.
Was sitting, doing nothing. Then I realized I could be sitting and doing nothing on Facebook. So here I am.
Just when you think you have the answer a woman will be there to change the question.
Fellas; There’s no heterosexual way of taking a selfie.
You know you`re addicted to your iphone when you start using your fingers to zoom into things on your laptop computer. Or a printed photo. Or a book. Or your watch.
Sometimes I spend whole meetings wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.
If I suddenly had the ability to teleport, I’d spend an entire day popping up naked in front of people and asking for John Connor.
Today is National I Don`t Feel Like Doing Sh!t Day. Celebrate accordingly.
All I`m saying is that if you were a real psychic palm reader you would of made me wash my hands first.
Helpful Tip: You can’t get in trouble for leaving work early if you disable the security cameras and crawl out the air-conditioning duct.
I`ve never gone to bed with an ugly woman. Woken up to a whole bunch of them though.
Some days the only thought that stops me from being Dexter...is that I am WAY too pretty to go to prison
Maybe if I tilt my head to the side I can understand English – dogs
I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.