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The awkward moment when you’re running and your boobs are bouncing …. and you’re a guy.
Didn’t Selfie Sticks used to be called Friends?
"Waiter, I`d like to send this back" -m`am, I believe that`s your husband.
It is amazing how a nice pair of boobs can hide serious flaws and signs of mental illness until after you marry them!
Sign: "No alcohol past this point." Translation: Bet you can`t chug this entire beer, right now.
I want to be something scary for Halloween so I am going as a positive pregnancy test......
Winter is filled with men trying to figure out the least feminine way to apply chapstick.
My 5yr old learned how to whistle if anyone’s looking for a new 5yr old.
My status would be a lot funnier if you could see my back-up dancers.
I don`t even know why chicks spend so much time and money on their hair when all guys look at is their tits.
You should NEVER say and I mean NEVER say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she`s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at the moment.. :|
If your wife says "what would you do without me?" "Live happily ever after" is NOT the correct answer.
I`m 50% sure this cross eyed guy is starring at my tits.
I’m totally fine with favoritism as long as I’m the favorite.
*Baby on board* Oh really? Thanks for letting me know, I was about to ram into your car, but now I won’t.