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I wish I could use Shazam to identify people when I cant remember their name.
As a man I am so thankful I don`t have to give birth. I could never go nine months without drinking.
Remember when there was more important crap to do besides Facebook all day? Me neither.
The wife and I never really argue except on where to vacation. I wanna go to the beach and she wants to come with me
Sometimes I think I`m a relatively smart person. Other times I put my shoes on before my pants and realize who I really am.
All the advantages right-handed people have are cancelled out when we have to do our banking at the drive-up ATM left-handed.
If Apple really want to introduce something new and "innovative" they should just release a longer charger.
If by angry birds you mean flipping off a$$holes while driving then yes I`m at the expert level of Angry Birds
Face down, a$$ up ... that`s the way I tie my shoes.
If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other
Don`t come to my door wanting to talk about the Lord. I don`t come to your door wanting to talk about wine and vibrators, do I?
This oatmeal tastes like I`m gonna need a doughnut.
I`d like to have a child one day ... Two days, tops.
My haters only have one advantage over me. They can kiss my a$$, I can`t.
Some days it´s not worth chewing through the straps.