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Behind every strong woman is a man that she needs to open jars and get things off high shelves.
I hate when a couple argues in public but I missed the start and don`t know whose side I`m on.
The best thing about telepathy is…I know, right?
Halloween is the perfect time to redistribute those undesired condiment packets of ketchup, mustard, BBQ & soy sauce.
I always try to behave on Friday nights but there are usually too many other options.
I woke up with a headache this morning but she went to work.
You should get at least 8 hours of beauty sleep... 9 if you`re an ugly bitch...
To the untrained eye, I`m quite handsome.
National no bra day wasn`t as successful as the creators had hoped. due to sagging attendants and lack of support.
If lemons hand you life, you’re probably dyslexic
I`d hit that. - women drivers
Just blew the sugar off my donut… Dieting is hard!
I party like a rockstar. A very poor rockstar who isn`t in a band.
Im still waiting for Anheuser-Bush to name a beer "responsibly" so i can drink it!
Now that 1 in every 3 people cheats in their relationships,I`m left wondering. . .Is it my wife or my girlfriend that`s cheating?