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Is going to bed! Hopefully the Cleaning Fairies will come and clean my house tonight! Wishful Dreaming i guess!
I don`t think we do get smarter as we get older. I just think we run out of stupid things to do.
Warranty – A notice telling the buyer when the product that was just purchased will no longer function.
I know the voices aren`t real but they have some great ideas.
Okay, I can`t take it anymore. What in the hell holds the blocks up in Mario Brothers?
Ever since I heard that women have one breast bigger than the other,it`s given me another reason to stare.
How are poor people so good at finding money for tattoos?
Australian kiss. It`s kind of like a French kiss, but down under.
Fun game for parents: Scream in horror the first time your child loses a tooth.
Neighbors just kicked me out of their shower and called the cops. Some of these pokemon go instructions are confusing. A lot of grey area...
My psychiatrist told me I need to love myself more. I was like, "damn doc I`m already up to 3 times a day"
Why do they even offer 2014 as an option when selecting your birth date? Like you’re fresh out of the womb ready to join Gmail.
Stop leaving me messages. If I ever wanted to talk to you again, I wouldn’t have borrowed all that money.
Sign in a grocery store: Take lettuce from top of stack, or heads will roll!
Who wants to go Smart Car Tipping?