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Dear children, when you look under your bed, what exactly are you planning to do when you find me? Sincerely, The Monster.
Confidence is going after Moby Dick in a row boat ... and taking the tartar sauce with you.
Do you really know me or am I just an idea that you`ve built in your head?
I got kicked out of the pool today ... apperently the breaststroke isn`t what I thought it was.
I wouldn`t mind being alone with my thoughts, if I didn`t know them all so well.
If you think people are stupid, randomly post "Happy Birthday" wishes on peoples FB page and see how many others tell them happy birthday.
Can Walmart be a feeling? I`m pretty sure that`s how I`m feeling today.
i love you with all my butt. i would say heart but my butt is bigger :)
Two things I am thankful for: 1: Family and friends. 2: Caller ID, so I can avoid certain family and friends.
I don`t understand why Walmart has a problem with me bringing my dog in the store. He`s better behaved, smells better, and less likely to take a crap on the floor than 95% of the people here
I get worried when someone posts a kitten pic with a foreign language, I don`t know if they`re showing a cute kitty pet or their dinner.
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
Does this 50 pound bag of cat food make me look single?
Bored? Simply send a text message to a random number saying..."I`m Pregnant!"
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to D!ck, Especially since his name is Steve.