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If you drink enough, your brain starts photo-shopping people.
It is kinda at the point where everything in my life is a movie reference
I miss being the age when I thought I would have my sh!t together by the age I am now.
I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey but I turned myself around.
You know that 200-foot high expansion bridge you drove over today? Just remember that it was built by the lowest bidder.
Has it ever occurred to optimists and pessimists that the glass is refillable?
When people say things like "You can`t change the past" I can`t help but wonder what it must be like to have that brilliant of a mind.
If you can`t celebrate Valentine`s Day with someone you love, forget about it at a bar that you like...
If "The Breakfast Club" was made today, it would be a silent film about five kids staring at their phone
Today was about as much fun as a warm toilet seat in a public restroom!
The best part of winter coming is that all the bugs are rotting in hell where they belong.
U.S.A.... where people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke
Ok a$$hole, just go around me. I`m already doing 30 over the limit, I`m not speeding up. Stupid car with your stupid flashing lights
Me: I must be out of my mind. Me: You and me both.
I don`t need a New Years Resolution, I`m already awesome!