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Roses are red, violets are blue. I have 5 fingers, the middle one is for you.
Corn mazes are great because how often does one get to experience the feeling of being trapped by corn
My wife and I toss a coin to settle arguments; heads she wins, tails I apologise.
Don`t just lay there... Move! Bounce! Do something!! ~ me, pleading with my hair
If I had a dollar for everytime i thought of you, I would start thinking about you!
FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: “Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?”
My dream job is a pharmacy cashier & yelling for a price check every time someone checks out anal ointment, condoms, & men buying maxi pads.
ATTENTION LADIES: I will now be downgrading expectations from someone I can love to someone I can tolerate. Act now while this amazing deal still lasts!
My hearing is fine. There`s no need to repeat yourself! I ignored you perfectly well the first time.
I dated this musician who used to play songs for me over the phone. Then I realized he was just putting me on hold.
Maybe this comment wont be important for you guys here. Some of you will ignore it, most of yall wont bother to read and it`ll go unnoticed along with some others. maybe I`ll be criticized for this but I just want to let yall know I`m selling potatoes
You`re not the sharpest knife in my back.
Today I saw something that reminded me of you. But don`t worry, I flushed and everything went back to normal.
You mean to tell me people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?
My box of Animal Crackers said, "WARNING: Do Not Eat if Seal is Broken." I open the box, and sure enough...