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This Crazy Weather Makes Me Want To Masturbate Furiously!!!
Be honest, you haven’t even walked a mile in your own shoes.
All milk is breast milk.
Question: : What do you get if you add human DNA to a goat? ... Answer: Kicked out of the petting zoo
I`d have a longer attention span if things weren`t so shiny.
You might be a REDNECK if you think S.T.O.P. means spin tires on pavement!! :)) lol
Seems like you must have been pretty stupid to get caught for murder in the 1800s
Alarm clocks should come with sounds like “tiny doll feet scampering into the closet” because I am not hitting snooze when I hear that
I DON`T HATE YOU,I`M JUST NOT NECESSARILY EXCITED ABOUT YOUR EXISTENCE!
When I was a kid, I thought quicksand was going to be a much bigger problem than it really is.
One man’s potato is another man’s vodka.
Coffee? I`ll have a cream soda ... One cup of coffee and I`m up all afternoon.
One time I exaggerated so hard that I died.
I think my mailman is stealing my Nigerian lottery checks.
Ever notice that no one ever has three cats? They either have one or two cats, then it jumps to 17.