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Edward Cullen is extremely pale due to the lack of light in the closet.
I just attempted to wash a paper plate if you wonder how much money I have available.
Before I wash my socks, I just throw one in the trash.
I saw that! - Karma
You know you`re up really late at night when you turn on ESPN and 2 white guys are boxing!
When I was your age, we had to walk 10 miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
They should make an app that tells me how many Oreos I can eat for every mile I jog.
I woke up with a headache this morning but she went to work.
It’s only a matter of time until “Security Cameras of Wal-Mart” is a reality TV show.
Fact: Pornos aren`t based on actual events.
Im not fat I´m just easier to see
Why do they call a status a status if it already happened? I mean, shouldnt it be called History?
I wouldn`t mind all the penis enlargement emails if they weren`t coming from my wife.
Considering this is the land of the free, stuff is pretty damn expensive.
I`m the type of person that will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened days ago.