Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I solve my problems by blatantly ignoring them and going on the internet.
If my sarcasm confuses you it`s because you`re stupid.
When I was your age, we had to walk 10 miles in the snow to get drunk and have sā¬x.
Simply amazing how one word spoils the whole sentence: Iām getting laid.....off.
After months of uninterrupted analysis, I am now prepared to conclude that, indeed, my laundry is not going to fold itself.
Holidays, hotels and women. Three things that always look better online than in real life.
The only F word out a woman`s mouth that scares me is "fine."
When I see a tire swing swaying gently in the breeze, I like to believe its daydreaming about life on the open road.
Had another daydream where I`m doing the mexican hat dance and CIA guys watching me from satellites are dancing along in their control room
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
Relationship Status: Very relieved socks can`t get pregnant.
I`m at the age where if someone says "Go big or go home," I`m usually fine with going home.
If you read my entire Facebook timeline from the beginning, you can witness my descent into madness
Instead of spending $2,000 on a purse, some of you ladies should use the money for therapy sessions.
The fastest way to being happy is to make other people happy. You go first.