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Do you ever wish you were a monkey? Then if you got mad at someone, you could just fling your poo at them. Problem solved.
Apparently I`m the only one that wants to drink beer at this intervention.
It was awkward when she said, "And yet your feet are so big."
On the first day of school, I tell all my students to rip up their textbooks ..then I leave before their REAL teacher arrives.
When you screw up, menopause can be a wonderful excuse for stupid things you do or say!!!
This post is just for you.
Its hotter than a three peckered billy goat!
I’d be much more interested in meeting people if I didn’t think most people were idiots.
According to this bathroom stall,,, my ex changed her number again.
3 wishes for when I find a genie: 1. The more I eat the skinnier I get 2. One kid grows up to be a pharmacist 3. Other kid owns a winery
Shout-out to nature for not giving wings to snakes
I wish bedtime was all the time.
I hate when I`m admiring my good looks from a car`s window reflection and the people inside think I`m staring at them.
LSD makes users lose weight ... That makes sense. It`s kinda hard to get to the fridge when there`s a dragon guarding it.
I´m up way too early for someone who wasn´t planning on seizing the day.