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Based on the sound of her walking.. My upstairs neighbor seems like the kind of woman that starts sentences with; "Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum.".. O_o
As a man, EVERY month is `Breast Awareness Month` for me.
Jealously is something you’re good at when you suck at everything else.
I`m horrible with women. Probably because I only know like 3 shades of gray.
A gentle reminder about Daylight Savings Time: If you thought last Monday sucked, this one will prove to be much, much worse.
sometimes when i`m lonely i`ll fill my bathtub with tomato sauce and pretend that i`m a meatball
so, on a scale of one is to seven, which letter of the alphebet is your favourite colour?
If any of you ever want your kitchen painted orange just give a six year old Cheetos for lunch and tell them not to make a mess. Works every time.
A good lawyer knows the law ... A great lawyer knows the judge.
My give a damn is busted! Parts on backorder....
One time I was in a bar and there was this really weird guy pouring booze all over his hand. Turned out he was trying to get his date drunk
Apparently my socks never remember “The Buddy System” whenever I wash them.
If a vegan does crossfit which do they talk about first?
Y`all are gonna lose your minds when Donald Trump eats a Snickers and turns into Bernie Sanders.
Just burned 3 calories typing this with my thumb muscles. #fitness