Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
is 100% sure that you are looking at my status. (:
Your lights are on but I see someone’s been playing with your dimmer switch.
When girls wear yoga pants I feel like a ghost from Mario. Uncontrollably attracted when they turn away, but frozen when they look at me.
If you`re one in a million, there are more than 7,000 of you.
I love therapy sessions because I get to cry for an hour. It usually freaks out my patient, though.
Double Stuff Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
My Ex updated her status to "standing on the edge of a cliff" So I "poked" her!
I guess not everyone at this grocery store is as comfortable with my nudity as I am. ;)
My wife woke up with a HUGE smile on her face this morning. I love sharpies.
Some of the best memories I have are of times right before the cops showed up.
It’s not a nap unless your face wakes up in a puddle of your own drool.
Why is it all the good things in life are either illegal, immoral, impossible, addictive, or fattening?
Firemen must dread the moment when they`re done for the day and have to find the strength to climb back up the pole.
A few more months without getting laid and I should be eligible for employment at Gamestop.
I can always tell when I`m drunk. I tend to drop things...like my standards