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Today I gave up procrastination for Lent.
I heard someone say their podcast was on "hiatus", guess that sounds better than "my mom took away my laptop".
Salary is like a menstrual cycle, it comes once a month and is gone in five days...
Being married is 90% talking about what to have for dinner.
In grade school it’s called bullying but when you get older it’s referred to as upper level management.
We all have that one person we forever regret giving our phone number to.
It`s Sunday or as I like to call it, "No pants day".
Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn`t be allowed to talk
Someone tore off my warning label when I was born.
True love is biting a slice of pizza when you`re fully aware that it will burn the roof of your mouth.
I`ve upped my driving skills, no go Up yours!
Check this one out.........1
Testing shows that people in the USA know less about geography than England, Japan and like 100 other countries I`ve never heard of.
I just witnessed a co worker eat a cupcake with no frosting ... What kind of devil worshiping nonsense is this?
Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm the f*ck down. -Bfanch