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I would like to remind everyone it`s not the size of the boat... Or the motion of the ocean, but the whether the boat is able to stay in port until all passangers have gotten off.
HR called me in today and told me I have a bad attitude. So they`re transferring me over to IT and giving me a raise.
It doesn`t matter if the shoe fits or not, I`m still shoving it up your a$$.
I’m going to the gym because I heard they have free weights. I wonder how many they’ll let me take?
If someone throws a rock at you, throw a flower back at them, but, make sure the flower is still in the pot..
You know it`s cold outside when during rush hour you get the mitten instead of the finger.
If you died and went to he!l, how long will it take you to realise that you aren`t still at work?
My entire existence is just me sitting around waiting to get hungry again.
The number of things that are *NOT* rocket science is staggering.
If you mix vodka, orange juice and milk of magnesia... Do you get a Phillips screwdriver?
I assume when I get put on hold after I call customer service, it`s because 2 guys are flipping a coin to see who pretends to be the manager.
The only toys I was allowed to play with in the tub were the dirty dishes.
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you`ll be really far away from me with your motivational nonsense.
Research shows that 100% of the time when someone says “oh no she didn’t!” she most definitely did.
Sorry I hung up on you, I didn`t mean to answer the call.