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I’m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You’re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what’s going on here.
If you say married people aren’t having sex, you have obviously never sat in a hotel bar & watched them pick up strangers.
Bought some cheese at one of those fancy cheese shops today. It was legend dairy...
I`m sorry I got salsa on your baby, and I`m extra sorry I scraped it off with a chip
Now that I`m on Facebook, I can finally put that English degree I obtained to some use…
If I were invisible I`d go beat up a street mime...the applause he would get would be incredible
"I don`t care if you think it sounds gross, that`s what we`re calling it" -Guy who named the sweater.
I feel like dinner parties are secretly competitions about who watches the most news and documentaries
Based on how I react when the toast pops out of the toaster, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.
There`s nothing sadder then the look on my dogs face after he hears something hit the floor and discovers it`s only lettuce :(
Men are usually too focused on the cleavage in the shirt to notice the crazy in the eyes.
Testing shows that people in the USA know less about geography than England, Japan and like 100 other countries I`ve never heard of.
Just saw a homeless dude with a sign reading "Hungry Hungry Hobo"... I shouldn`t laugh right?
My boss told me "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have" Am now sat in a disciplinary meeting wearing my Batman costume
on a scale of 1-10 how honest are you? I would say 10 but then i would be lying!