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I love that sound you make when you shut the hell up.
Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.
Facebook. Where people can express thoughts that otherwise might get them fired, divorced, thrown in a loony bin or all three.
How long does it usually take for a Happy Meal to start working?.... It`s been an hour.
How did the person who invented the first clock know what time it was?
Basketball would be a lot more exciting if each team was allowed one bear.
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I`m totally flexible
At the end of the day, life should ask us, Do you want to save the changes?
i just peed so hard that I laughed a little bit
I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon ....I think I`m gonna be pretty good at it.
Why do people ask "what the hell were you thinking"? Obviously, I was thinking I was gonna get away with it and not have to explain it.
The Mrs said she we need a "conversation piece" in the living room. I`m thinking taco cart...
My life is a constant battle of preventing my muffin top from becoming a pound cake.
Would the 2 Sonic dudes just get it over with and kiss already
On demand sucks. Hoarders made me fill up the dumpster and clean the house. Now I want to collect coupons and go to the pawn shop....