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Who´s up for Candyland? $20 buy in
I wouldn`t mind being alone with my thoughts, if I didn`t know them all so well.
The bills are washed, the dishes are paid, the laundry’s in the oven. I’m going to bed.
Instead of going to couples therapy, married people should just join tinder and see what a nightmare single people have to deal with.
The hardest part about being an adult is trying to hide how you`re still a child.
Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere.
Objects in spandex are larger than they appear
I will stop loving you, when Spongebob gets his driving license.
I’ve been single so long I deserve a bachelors degree.
I`m never free but I`m available.
A week is just five days of wishing you had nothing to do followed by two days of wishing you had something to do
I`m so, so sorry I started the whole Facebook Is Going To Start Charging thing. I didn`t think it would go THIS far..... sorry
Girl scout cookies suck! I ate like 20 boxes of thin mints and I`m not any thinner.
If you weren`t supposed to eat 15 Oreos in one sitting, they wouldn`t package them in rows of 15.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.