Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I started to question my sanity this morning, It told me to "Shut up and chew through the straps....). I was free by noon......Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
My boss just asked me why I wasn`t working.. ..i told em cuz I didn`t see him coming
Is there a way to politely throw breathe mints in someone`s mouth while they`re talking?
I don’t understand how people have to “get ready for bed”…I’m always ready for bed.
What about a To-Don`t List?
Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you and your motivational crap is far away
To all those that now have a DUI, domestic violence charge or one less finger... Happy 5th of July
I hate lying to kids but my daughter asked me what twerking was and I told her it was when identical twins go to each others` jobs
It`s hard to look like a bad-ass when you`re slurping on a strawberry smoothie.
Tomorrow I`m going to start using big words to sound smart....Sorry, I meant utilizing gargantuan idioms to simulate intelligence
Relationship status: Private. The only way for it to be.
My New Years Eve = Hangover 4
Optimistic people want to hear the bad news first, while pessimists ask for the good. Realists just start drinking.
The fact “gorilla” does not rhyme with “tortilla” infuriates me.
If you think husbands aren`t good listeners, whisper "Come here, I`m naked" from anywhere in the house and see what happens.