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How many "zero likes" do you have to get on Facebook before you realize nobody gives a crap about you
Everybody stop what you`re doing and play with crayons!! Enjoy the day
We`re all here because we`re not all there...
I do 5 sit-ups every morning. No, it doesn`t sound like much, but there`s only so many times you can press the snooze button.
My life has a great cast, but I can’t figure out the plot.
If I say “it’s a great day to be alive,” it’s because those are literally my only plans.
I guess I’ll take my Christmas tree down today.
Did you know statistically you`re more likely to be killed by a coconut falling from a tree than by a coconut stabbing you with a kitchen knife.
The push-up bra: the strangely acceptable female equivalent of a rolled up sock stuffed in men`s underwear.
The number of things that are *NOT* rocket science is staggering.
Being in the doghouse isn`t so bad if there`s enough beer in the bowl.
When one door closes it`s probably because someone shut it.
Tonight I`m playing hard to get off the sofa.
My mind is telling me nooo... But my body... My body`s telling me yesss...BABY. Cashier: Sir...would you like fries with that or not?
I don`t need a New Years Resolution, I`m already awesome!