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FITNESS TIP: Set a regular gym schedule that`s easy to keep up with. For example, I work out once every 4 years after I vote for president.
2 words, 1 finger.
Next time you over hear a stranger giving out their number. Text them details of what they are wearing. It`s so fun to watch them freak out!
The joy of finding out that your boss is going on a holiday is way greater than you yourself going on one
If you like to listen to music while having sex, listen to a live album. That way you will get an applause every 3-4 minutes.
I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar.
Any person can be nice to my face, but it takes a real friend to be nice behind my back.
It`s a good idea to test your immune system from time to time by eating a gas station hot dog
I tried kickboxing, but I couldn`t get the hang of walking with boxing gloves on my feet.
What idiot decided it should be my foot`s asleep instead of coma toes?
What sucks about those little hotel shampoo bottles is there`s no room for the directions so you kind of have to wing it.
I dont hate you but, if you put `just about to jump off a cliff` as your facebook statuses i would poke you
I have learned from watching crime dramas on tv when the good guys yell "Federal Agents" at the bad guys, the bad guy always runs. Wouldn`t it be smarter to yell "Prize Patrol" if you really want to catch a bad guy?
Don`t sweat the petty things and don`t pet the sweaty things.
I don`t like morning people ... Or mornings ... Or people.