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I`m not allowed to have any energy drinks until all the cat`s hair grows back.
You know something bad is about to happen when someone says "Hold my beer and watch this."
Corduroy pillows?... They`re making headlines!....
Now that Microsoft`s Steve Ballmer has bought the Clippers, I wonder if he will release a new version every few years that we all hate.
It`s ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity too.
I found my wife through online dating. So, she`s definitely got some explaining to do!
I really need a day inbetween Saturday an Sunday
Checked my bank balance at the ATM and was happy to see I had 707 dollars in it until I realized I was holding the receipt upside down and it said LOL instead.
Shouldn`t the Air and Space museum be empty?
The hardest job in the world must be working in a bubble wrap factory. Can you imagine the self control that is required?
I may look calm, but in my head I´ve punched you in the face 3 times already!
I`d engage you in a battle of wits, but I`m afraid you`re unarmed.
I said my wife`s name three times in front of the bathroom mirror and now my wallet`s empty...
Driving a Dodge doesn`t automatically make you a defensive driver.
Women say childbirth is the most painful thing... obviously they have never stepped on a Lego.