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All women want is to have a relationship with an intelligent man. The only problem is, intelligent men don’t get into relationships.
I hate waking up all hungover, eyebrow shaved, and a d!ck drawn on my face ... Especially since I was drinking alone last night.
When you are on a first date and she says to you: “I want you to treat me like a movie star,” it is vitally important to establish which type of movie.
Do you ever just sit there and think “why am I not rich”?
Kids are like debit cards. I get yelled at when I accidentally leave them at the store.
is in his own little world but it´s okay they know me here.
If you can`t celebrate Valentine`s Day with someone you love, forget about it at a bar that you like...
I was admiring my six pack in the mirror for two hours,then it got cold and I put it in the fridge
Feeling pretty good about myself today so I`m going to go meet up with an ex-girlfriend to bring me back down to normal
If you trip and are about to fall on the ground yell "He`s got a gun!" and then you`ll look like a cool hero.
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
people say that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but it`s the only way I can talk to you.
I think I may be getting harder to love.
They`re having a Jamaican hair-do day tomorrow at work. I`m dreading it.
Its so cold outside I might even post about it on Facebook