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Hair growing from my ears and nostrils doesn`t mean I`m getting old, right? Means I`m turning into a werewolf! Right?
Driving with your gas tank door open is the equivalent to having your zipper down.
Remember kids, the Toys R Us bankruptcy and liquidation teaches us that poor spelling and grammar will always catch up with you eventually.
It`s a little disappointing when you`re watching a school basket ball game & no one turns into a werewolf.
Don`t ask me how my night was coz I don`t know. I was asleep.
Starting tomorrow, whatever life throws at me, I`m ducking so it hits someone else!
I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi
Dont let facebook fool you we aint friends
When I was growing up the TV was my nanny.
I can see exactly 6 years into the future. I have 2020 vision.
and alcohol are now friends.
If I share my food with you, it’s either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don’t want it.
People who go rock climbing: you know you don`t have to, right
When someone walks away from me shaking their head, I totally agree.
Today I heard a guy on the street say, `It`s chowder season, baby!` so I pushed him in front of a bus because those are awesome last words