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some people just need a high-five......in the face......with a chair!
You know you`re up really late at night when you turn on ESPN and 2 white guys are boxing!
Automatic doors make me feel like a Jedi
whoever snuck the `s` in fast food is a clever person
Jack The Ripper would be a great name for a fitness trainer.
So Monday and Tuesday sucked. But, with the right mix of caffeine, alcohol and mushrooms, Wednesday doesn´t even have to happen at all.
I could of sworn my pillow`s a hairdreeser...coz I always wake up with the craziest hairstyles!! :D
It`s so cold, I just got a $5 foot long from subway, but by the time I got back to my car it was only 6 inches.
I can`t wait to be rich so I can price things from high to low instead of low to high when shopping online.
People are making Rapture jokes like there`s no tomorrow.....
For the record, giving someone the creeps for Christmas is technically not a gift.
I think I might be bisexual. Because last night I had sex by myself.
I have no time or patience for games in my relationships. Unless by “games” you’re referring to naked Twister. I can make time for that.
Shoplifting may be wrong in a general sense, but what if, for example, I`m bored of paying for things
Not sure if I logged into Facebook or the Cartoon Network.