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I never know the proper etiquette with the pizza delivery guy. Do I kiss him before or after paying him?
3 things I will never understand: 1. The meaning of life. 2. The universe. 3. How Spongebob & Patrick made those sounds effects in that box.
When i am bored, i like parking along side the xpressway stick a hair dryer out the window, and watch everyone slam on their brakes.
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a guy who has been single for longer than 6 months.
when is humpty dumpty going to hatch?
For Display Only` signs on the toilets at Home Depot. Sorry guys my bad. ;)
Appearing on several episodes of Cops doesn`t make you a TV star.
I’m a pervert, but in a romantic way.
North West: Daddy what were you famous for? Kanye: rapping. North West: Mommy what were you famous for? ((awkward silence))
I just encountered a spider bigger than my desire to be the man of the house.
Today`s Big Idea: Coffee eye drops.
I feel so lazy.. Lazy as the guy who created the Japanese flag
Asian gangs, also known as study groups...
I`m the type of person who goes out to a restaurant and orders a veggie burger with cheese and bacon on it.
I just realized that Mr. Rogers had the first man-cave.