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Feeling tired as you struggle to get through the day? There`s a nap for that.
I`m one more bottle of wine away from starting a blog.
I asked my girlfriend if she was ok with me buying her a ring. She said "nothing would make me happier!" So I got her nothing.
I`m always surprised when heavily tattooed couples have a baby and it comes out blank
Well bugger... Just realised the plant ive been watering for 2 years is fake.
Kids today don`t know what hardship is. When I was younger I sometimes had to wait ALL DAY for MTV to play my favorite video.
You don`t look like 200 likes in person
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
I am at my most hostage negotiator when I see my 3 year old with a permanent marker without a lid.
Thought for the day : Why was the cat in the bag in the first place?
Shouldn`t the Air and Space museum be empty?
Your girl always on her knees. What she forgot she had feet?
Maybe this comment wont be important for you guys here. Some of you will ignore it, most of yall wont bother to read and it`ll go unnoticed along with some others. maybe I`ll be criticized for this but I just want to let yall know I`m selling potatoes
My buddy asked me the other night if he could crash on my couch. I had to explain to him that I`m married now and thats were I sleep...
Leaving a watermelon on someone’s doorstep in the middle of night is a pretty inexpensive way to occupy a portion of their mind forever.