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Some people are normal. What an awful, boring existence that must be.
Jerry: Tom, you are a genius!.. Tom: Yeah, I am called that a lot... Jerry: What? Genius?... Tom: No, `Tom`
Wait...so the "c-word" isn`t co-worker?
Most advanced telescopes use mirrors so we really have no way to know how many vampires are in space
I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone`s ok with that.
Ever had one of those days that you feel like you should have skipped the morning coffee and went straight for the booze?
I refuse to jump on the `I hate Mondays` bandwagon. I hate all workdays equally
I wish I could google "things to eat in my fridge" so I wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed. ;)
Dating a single mother.... It`s like continuing from somebody else`s saved game.
I just assume that when a restaurant automatically adds 15% to the bill for a tip that the service is going to suck.
Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I`m driving.
I`ve had this ant farm for a year now and these lazy bastards still haven`t grown any crops.
I don`t think stupid people understand how much effort goes into not punching them in the face
I bet if we all threw our problems into a big pile, we’d see everyone else’s and scramble to get ours back.
My credit score is so bad I have started receiving pre-declined credit card offers