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I enjoy being the black sheep of the family ... Black sheep are the prettiest & don`t show as much dirt as the white ones.
I use to be addicted to soap, but now I`m clean
I love slip on shoes because you can slip them off just as easy to hit stupid people with them.
My life is like a romantic comedy except there’s no romance and its just me laughing at my own jokes.
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off.
Kids eat free today? Nice... In that case, I`ll have a water and my son will have the steak and shrimp combo with a kids bud light.
I mean really though...Why wash cups when you can just drink out of the jug?
That awkward moment when the majority of people think your status is stupid.
Why do the 5 seconds I have to wait before I can "skip ad" last 30 seconds?
If you`re not the lead dog, the scenery never changes!
I feel like I`ve passed my "Best If Used By date."
Is it physically possible to be sad in rollerskates? Cause I think my cat`s just being dramatic.
Take my advice; I don’t use it anyway.
Growing up teachers always told me there was no such thing as a stupid question. Eight years in retail has determined that was a lie.
These ‘energy saving` light-bulbs are bullsh!t. They take just as much effort to screw in as the ordinary ones.