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Five years ago my boss asked me where I wanted to be in five years. I finally know the answer: Not Here
I learned how to kiss passionately by practicing on my hand, but now it just uses me for sex.
It is totAlly unnecessary to put a PM after 23:00.
A dog running a hundred miles to retrieve a stick? That`s pretty far-fetched.
Changing a whole text message just because you didn`t know how to spell one word?
Got this super hard game on my phone called Bank Of America. You only get a power up every 2 weeks? Need cheat codes
When someone says “You just made my day,” it makes my day.
The only thing I drink from a shot glass nowdays is Maalox.
The only trouble with resisting temptation is that you may not get another chance...
Cubs fans, you need to wait 107 more years. But don`t worry, 2124 will be here before you know it!
Nothing says love like hearing a toilet flush on the other end of the phone.
I`d engage you in a battle of wits, but I`m afraid you`re unarmed.
Apple and Blackberry should team up and make a phone called the Pie.
I was always a believer in evolution....then I spent an hour at Walmart and now I`m not so sure
Admit it: you have all tried to rap in the shower..