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I took a sexual harassment course yesterday...I think I`m going to be pretty good at it.
When someone tells me how old their kid is in months, I ask them to rephrase it in days, so they know what I just went through.
I`ve heard of women that aren`t crazy ... but I`ve also heard of unicorns, so whatever...
If your man is reluctant to talk about his feelings, it’s probably because you haven’t told him what they are yet.
You can be like "This is a slippery slope" or you can be like "Weeeeeeee!"
You’d think with as much time women spend looking at their ass in the mirror, they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
My tricks aren`t for kids.
I just found out that a bucket of KFC when you`re finished with it, also doubles as a porta-potty...
Just did a weeks worth of cardio after walking into a spider`s web.
People are obsessed with the front seat of the car but when you get in a bus, you go straight to the back
If someone says you`re not a mermaid, don`t talk to them. You don`t need that kind of negativity in your life.
I`d hit that. - women drivers
It`s always so awkward ending phone calls with loved ones, I always say "I love you" and they`re like, "thank you for choosing domino`s"
It`s amazing the things I can remember when I don`t need to remember anything.
Why can`t things be simple like they use to be? I show you a bug I found, we share a snack pack, and then you`re my girlfriend.