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That awkward moment when there`s not a single awkward moment
Had a blast doing my Black Friday tradition!!!! I slept!
If you read your timeline backwards it is about a person who hates everything and gradually becomes happier until they get a life.
Sometimes I wish that I could put my wife on airplane mode.
This week’s weather forecast: Sweaty underboobs.
Every so often I’ll listen to my wife talk non stop for hours at a time, to remind myself why people wander into traffic without looking.
I don`t know who you are, but if you don`t stop sending me phone books, I will find you.....and I will smack you with it
Dude, next time you wanna wave at me, please use more than one finger.
People who spend their lives complaining how other people are doing nothing productive for society are doing nothing productive for society.
Being a parent means hiding in a closet to eat a donut so you don`t have to share.
90% of adulthood is just deleting emails.
hates when I´m singing along with the radio and the artist messes up the words!
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside!
When I was a kid, I thought quicksand was going to be a much bigger problem than it really is.
Thanks to the presence of fools, wise people stand out.