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I want to meet myself from someone else’s point of view.
Sorry I stopped listening to your story when it wasn’t about me
Lil Wayne is 10% African-American and 90% tattoo.
My 4yo just shut the bathroom door on me while I was inside and told me I was in jail. So I locked the door. I love this game.
If you`re a vegan an atheist and a liberal, how do you choose which way to annoy people at Thanksgiving first?
We`re all just nudists in disguise.
My imaginary friend is bullying me.
A lot of people are only alive because I shed too much hair to ever get away with murder.
I like to say, "Well, enough with the small talk" before anyone has a chance to speak.
FACT: 99.7% of guys named "Dan" are not actually "The Man".
I slept and woke up. (ok, lately this has become a major accomplishment in my life)
Roses are red and sometimes they`re thorny, when I think of you, I get really ...............
Hey ladies, tired of your man complaining about how long it takes you to get ready? Start blow drying your hair in the nude. I promise no more complaints.
"I understand your logic, but let`s try to look at this more emotionally." - women
I was always a believer in evolution....then I spent an hour at Walmart and now I`m not so sure