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My daughter just explained to me that these dinner postings were not real invites. I have to apologize to all my friends out there for showing up last week.
Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn`t hear you the first 100 times.
Cold? Try Netflix. You’ll still be cold, but you’ll be watching Netflix.
How do they even grow boneless chicken`s?
OMG! I went shopping because I needed a skirt and these earings were on special so I bought four new pairs of shoes!
Whenever I`m sad, you`re there. Whenever I`m having problems, you`re always there. Whenever my life seems out of control, you`re always there. Lets face it. You`re bad luck.
Remember, Christmas is over if you sit on a strangers lap now and ask for stuff it`s because you`re a whore.
Can I have a free unlimited day trial of being attractive?
?"Oh! Oh! Oh!" Dyslexic Santa
People who describe things as “better than sex” are having the wrong kind of sex.
The guy blaring the self help CD at the red light in the rusted car with no bumpers wasn`t amused when I said, "I don`t think it`s working"
OMG!!!!! I almost went to the toilet without my phone!
Why buy it for $7 when you can make it yourself with $92 worth of craft supplies.
I bought a book on eBay called, "How to scam on eBay". That was 2 months ago, and it`s not arrived yet
We should be thanking our Dads for bringing us into the world, not our Moms. She probably wasn`t in the mood...