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They told me to come here and write something funny, so I`m gonna post my bank account balance: -$4.09
Why do some people call it a "tuna-fish" sandwich? It`s not like anyone calls it a "chicken-bird" sandwich.
Today I found a penny. It reminded me of you. Worthless & found in everybody`s pants.
I`m pretty sure apple kid below needs help..
The fact that Burger King can sell you 10 chicken nuggets for $1.49 should concern you more than it should entice you.
"Hot singles in your area want nothing to do with you." -Honest spam
Think about the nicest thing anyone`s ever said about you. Not really true, right?
That disappointing moment when you pull up to work and it`s not fully engulfed in fire.
1,000 Ways To Die is so unrealistic. There`s no episode where a man asks a woman `what`s wrong?`
There is a method to my madness….and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable
It’s a good job Apple isn’t in charge of New Year. We’d all be expecting 2015 and get 2014S instead.
Facebook is not so bad once you block your family and friends.
I want to lose weight, but I don`t want to get caught up in one of those "Eat right and exercise" scams.
I could actually watch golf on TV if Land Mines were involved.
I have blank business cards I hand out and call them my “none of your business” cards.