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If you are hotter than me, wouldn’t that make me cooler than you.
ME: “We have a problem, the liquor store is closed.” HER: “That`s ok, I don’t drink.” ME: “Ok we have two problems.”
I usually don`t argue with the doctor but I don`t think "Batshit Crazy" is a legitimate medical term.
The hardest part of being a gentleman is going to all of these gentlemen’s clubs.
I love you all so much right now because, well, alcohol.
If the conversation gets too serious and uncomfortable, take your pants off.
I`m curious: Do girls shake the gasoline nozzle when they`re taking it out of their cars too?
When choosing a name for your daughter, imagine her being announced in a strip club. If she doesn`t need a stage name, pick something else.
Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.
My motto is "Never say never." Which makes it difficult to tell people my motto...
I was fighting with this guy over who`s lazier. I let him win.
eHarmony should be more like Amazon “customers who slept with Tina172 also slept with LuvinLife_83, TaintMisbehavin, and Cat_Lover03?.
I`m 0-9 on finding secret rooms behind bookcases.
What does it mean when you sit next to an elderly woman on the bus and she shakes her head and makes the sign of the cross?
I just ate some generic Frosted Flakes.... They"rrrrreeee alright.