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If you drink enough, your brain starts photo-shopping people.
Was sitting, doing nothing. Then I realized I could be sitting and doing nothing on Facebook. So here I am.
Ok honey don’t freak out, but someone broke into the house, ate all the ice cream, smashed that picture of your mother, and didn’t do the dishes.
My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking. One cleaning.
The only yoga stretch I’ve perfected is the yawn.
If you want to ruin a song forever use it for your alarm.
I`m just a boy, standing in front of a girl; not listening to a f*cking thing she`s saying. But nodding, lots of nodding.
Who cares, WTF, OMG, so inappropriate, HOLY HELL ! Good LORD, not another selfie...WHOA NELLIE, NO, NO, and HELL NO!!! Me before unfriending someone.
It takes balls to be a man.
Regardless of how much time you think you waste, just know that someone created a very detailed Wikipedia page for Grumpy Cat.
Blue&Black or White&Gold? Who cares what color the dress is, so long as its balled up on the floor of my bedroom.
If “dress for the job you want” were true, there would be a lot more people wearing capes.
My grandparents still use encyclopedias to google stuff.
The first person to see a sunset was probably like well this ain`t good.
Women are like bacon: they look good, they smell good, they taste good, and they will slowly kill you