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Coffee : Starter fluid for the morning impaired.
Just remember, If we get caught you`re deaf and I don`t speak English.
No matter how little I do in a day. I always feel like I could have done less.
Just did a weeks worth of cardio after walking into a spider`s web.
You`re the reason why I believe in condoms.
When everything else fails... you always have delusion.
I just met the most interesting man at the laundromat And then I realized that he can`t even afford a washer or a dryer
I used to be a kleptomaniac but now I take something for it.
One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I am going to bed. Good Night :D
I may be stupid but im also dumb! :D
I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on carpet, but only for like 20 seconds...
If your pet has its own FB page, it might be time for a reality check...
Studies show it’s totally okay for me to just say “studies show” in front of whatever I want to say.
I just thought you should know, I just did all the laundry and didn`t lose a sock to the dryer monster...
There`s a thin line between "I should write a status about that" and "I should talk to my therapist about that"....