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You can stop lifting weights now; it’s actually your personality that nobody likes.
I wish the "Do not ask me again" option existed in real life.
FYI: Taking permanent marker and writting Aeropostale on Fruit of the Loom tee shirts will NOT fool your teenager.
By the time I realized my parents were right, I had kids that didn`t believe me.
We`re all here because we`re not all there...
Don`t believe everything you think.
I was bored of doing the same thing day in and day out,so I phoned the "Local Ramblers Club"....but the guy on the other end of the phone just went on and on and on!
The worst time to need sneeze is when you’re driving. The worst time to need to pee is when you’re driving and need to sneeze.
H&R Block said I won`t get nearly as much back in taxes this year because apparently the neighbors want to claim their own children.
Me? Stalk? No, I just observe... behind a tree... at night…in the rain.
They say that money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.
I have no super powers. I`m guessing I`m the villain.
I`ve always wondered why they don`t have a pregnant Barbie doll? Turns out Ken comes in a different box...
When it gets nice out I`m going to have a roof party and after that`s done have a painting party inside, come all
The feeling you get when a woman asks you to guess her age is like wondering whether to cut the blue wire or the green wire when defusing a bomb.