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So tell me, does it hurt to be so full of sh!t?
Diet tip: your pants will never get too tight if you don’t wear any.
All women want is to have a relationship with an intelligent man. The only problem is, intelligent men don’t get into relationships.
I couldn`t find the word `Disappear` in the dictionary. Strange!
I got this new calorie counting app ... Every day I go for a new high score ... Winning!
my friends status was "standing on the edge of a cliff" ... so I poked him
My winter wardrobe consists of my summer clothes layered on top of one and other.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren`t happy.
During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"? "Over there by mine", was not the answer I was expecting.
Juvenile humor My friend David lost his ID. We just call him Dav now. Here`s your sign..................
You bring the friendship, I`ll bring the benefits.
Is it wrong to ask someone with an eye patch "Was it all fun and games up to that point?"
I don`t have a drinking problem. If anything, I`m TOO good at it.
Made the decision that I`m done having kids. Yet every morning I wake up and there they are asking me for breakfast.
If you`re ever sad, just imagine how much worse it would be to be a tree that spent years and years growing up, only to end up as a Justin Bieber notebook