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No need to thank me for accepting your friend request. We`ll both regret it soon enough.
I bet Snowmen think it`s weird that the ground is completely covered in their skin.
If you`re going to have opinions on my life, then I am assuming you will be paying some of the bills.
I saw the city workers putting up a sign on my street and it says Bumpy road ... so I put up a sign that says ,, FIX IT !
The wifi going down on me is the most action I`m going to get tonight.
My girlfriend is now mad at me because I didn’t know why she was mad at me.
I don`t need an excuse to drink, but thank you for giving me one.
Peppermint schnapps might seem like a ridiculous drink, but nobody at work ever complains about my breath.
Judging by the size of these chicken fingers, that chicken had to be somewhere between 7` to 10` tall.
"Don`t cry because its over, smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse."
An empty fridge is a sad fridge.
Things that don`t kill bees: 1. Furniture polish 2. Febreeze 3. Butter 4. Screaming
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because you were able to steal 12 of his hoodies.
Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them are wearing pants?
Most bags of sand live a tough life stopping floods. But some, the lucky ones, live a leisurely life tied to the basket of a hot air balloon