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Don`t half a$$ anything. F*ck it up all the way.
I do procrastinate more than I should, but it always gives me something to do tomorrow...
Days are short in December but spending them with family really stretches them out.
Sometimes when I wave my hands in the air, I actually do care.
Had a nice, relaxing weekend. I now have ample energy to hate Monday and most of Tuesday.
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible…but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell!
I`ve been taking viagara for my sunburn........ It doesn`t cure it...... but it does keep the sheets off my legs at night.
You can dress for success or undress for it. It depends on what type of work you want.
Even if your life was a total waste of space, there’s always hope that you’ll die in a weird enough way to make a CSI episode.
I was being taught to use some machinery today, and I was quizzed as to the rules of it`s use. When asked what the first rule is I responded, "You do not talk about Fight Club."
There are four main food groups: 1. Canned 2. Frozen 3. Fried 4. Drive-thru
if truth is what u want...in return alcohol is all I want...
When I get in an elevator, before I press a button I look at everyone inside and say “Are you ready to take this sh!t to a whole new level?”
If your online dating profile says "I don`t have sex on the first date" then that`s why you`re on a dating website.
I`m writing this status very slowly, cause I know you guys can`t read very fast.