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Honestly, I have no idea what the f*ck I`ll do with 5 hours of energy.
Today`s secret word is "epic". When someone says the secret word scream real loud and punch them in the face.
Please excuse me for talking while you were interrupting.
While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald’s stops serving breakfast.
People always get so excited about the next generation iPhone but no one has caught up with the awesome technology that`s called a Turn Signal.
I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look. That one is shaped like an idiot
It’s a strange moment, when you realize that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals, birds, and insects desperately trying to get laid.
There’s been over 30 billion messages posted on Facebook, and yet most of us have never even talked to our neighbors.
Joggers always give each other a little nod when they pass, just like fat guys in a buffet line.
The Walking Dead reminds you that other people would still be your biggest problem even if most of them died.
"That wasn`t chicken in the Chow Mein" I`d make a great Fortune Cookie writer.
You never know how little self control you have until they put chips and salsa in front of you at a Mexican restaurant.
If everyone would just be naughty next year, Santa would bring us all coal ... energy crisis solved!
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the sane one.
"Have you ever wondered if the $1 bills in your wallet were ever in a stripper butt? - You`re wondering now!!!"