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Do you ever wish you were a monkey? Then if you got mad at someone, you could just fling your poo at them. Problem solved.
As a man, EVERY month is `Breast Awareness Month` for me.
When someone is in a bad mood, I like to help matters by pointing out several times that they seem to be in a bad mood.
I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.
I think its nice my vacuum cleaner has head lights. Just in case I wanna wake up in the middle of the night and clean in the dark, or wake up my dog making him think he’s getting hit by a
Facebook: an alternative to drunk dialing.
A new study says eating sugar will kill you and was conducted by the No Sh!t Sherlock Research Institute.
Well, I`m really not sure what my spirt animal is but I`m sure it looks like road kill right about now.
I wish I can start a new diet, but there`s a bunch of old diets I haven`t finish.
How old do I have to be when I can start pulling in front of cars without looking?
What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An investigator. Hahaha I’m so sorry. No I’m not.
I’m going to start wearing Summer’s Eve as a cologne. The vast majority of beautiful women seem to be attracted to douches.
You lost your phone and it`s on silent? Too bad. If you liked it then you should`ve put a ring on it.
i hate that the sun comes up so early
How easily you`re offended is directly proportional to how dumb you are.