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Just drove past the house where I lost my virginity. There wasn`t even a plaque or anything. Pretty ridiculous if you ask me.
Nice try, blocked number but I don`t even answer the phone for people I know.
Wine with crackers and cheese is basically just the classy version of beer and nachos.
Apparently not checking the mail is not a valid excuse for not paying your bills. The more you know.
Dear autocorrect, at no point in time have I meant to say "I`m affordable" instead of "I`m adorable".
I like to smile at people who don`t like me because I`m an asshole
I`m happy that my grandma thinks that a iPad is for wet and leaking eyes
Who`s this "moderation" people keep telling me to drink with?
Who decided that we should sit together in groups while we chew food?
The older I get, the more I sympathize with Squidward`s anger.
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others. The rest of us have to be the others.
I really like what you`ve done with your crazy.
So far this is the oldest I`ve ever been.
The point of no return sounds like a fun vacation spot.
I asked my girlfriend why she never tells me when she orgasms. She said she doesn`t like phoning me at work.