Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting...
Things I`ve learned: There`s no cool way to chase after a bouncing ping-pong ball.
I thought I was having deja vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.
Pro tip: when you`re watching a show like "my five wives" with your wife, don`t suggest potential additional wives.
I`d love to have a sex change. Preferably from `none` to `absolutely sh!tloads`.
My number one rule to live by is: Don’t die.
Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn`t be allowed to talk
I love the phrase "boobie trapped" I mean, who doesn`t like to be trapped by boobies????
Girls are a lot like oceans, beautiful and deep, but once a month, it`s shark week.
How do Amish girls know if it`s a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular one #DeepThoughts
I want someone to look at me the way I look at cupcakes.
I get a lot of “You must work out!!!” I just wish it wasn’t from doctors. :(
There better be strippers & beer at my intervention because there is no way in hell I`m sitting through that sober.
I`m hungry, but I`m not `cook something` hungry.
The odds of winning the lottery are 1 in 10 million. The odds of being the fastest sperm are 1 in 300 million. You`d think that with those odds, you`d win the lottery 30 times in your life.