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Going to drink straight from the carton because I`m a badass!
Has anyone ever seen a gorilla in the mist? Some of the local drivers struggle to see my car in perfect daylight conditions, so I doubt that they`d spot a Gorilla in limited visibility!!!!!
I`m not bothered if someone likes me or Not. Even Angels are hated by Demons.
Boss: You`re on another break already? Me: No. This is the same one you saw me on an hour ago.
I smoked weed once and realized spoons are just little bowls on sticks
I`m allergic to gluten free diets.
When I was your age, we had to walk ten miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
Ladies, if you want men to look at your face and not your chest, eat a banana.
If someone says “you’re funny” instead of laughing, you’re not.
I don`t know why I think I could survive the Zombie Apocalypse, I cant even handle the puff of air at the eye doctor.
How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Glue a piece of toast to the ceiling
The only toys I was allowed to play with in the tub were the dirty dishes.
I ordered an Asian hooker last night. She showed up 2 hours late. She loved me wrong time.
Hey officer, why did you stop me? Just an hour ago, you said that you never wanted to see me again.
Don`t worry, kids. Being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.