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3 things I will never understand: 1. The meaning of life. 2. The universe. 3. How Spongebob & Patrick made those sounds effects in that box.
That`s like asking the fat guy to watch the pie.
One should love animals.. They are so tasty.
My wife said to me: "If you won the lottery, would you still love me?" I said: "Of course I would. I`d miss you, but I`d still love you."
Sometimes I wish you could ask the pharmacist to "make it a double".
that song on your iPod that you always skip but never delete.
What do you call a black woman with braces?... A Black and Decker P@cker Wrecker!
So, when people say "LOLZ", does that mean they laughed themselves to sleep?
I like to go to a strangers house tell them you used to live there and that your grandfather hid money somewhere in the house and just leave.
I feel so lazy.. Lazy as the guy who created the Japanese flag
If they were really trying to prepare high school kids for “real life” they would offer a class called “working with a$$holes”
If your having a bad day, remember that somewhere on this big planet, someone just lost their straw in a capri sun!!
Just saw two homeless guys hitting each other with a piece of cardboard................PILLOW FIGHT!!!!!!
I`m sorry I said your head looks too small to power your body.
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.