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An awkward morning beats a boring night.
You ever wonder why it`s only women who need exorcisms?
My new home security sign : "EBOLA QUARANTINE" - Deters salesman, thieves, and neighbors.
Some of my ideas are about as profitable as selling YOLO T-Shirts at a Reincarnation seminar
Last night I got drunk and ate 3 tennis balls by mistake, f*ck you Pringle`s.
Someone once said, “Find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” So, I’m pleased to announce the grand opening of my titty squeezing business!!
One of my female friend is reading a book called "Learn to drive in a week" for the last 3 years.
Who ever said, "The customer is always right", clearly never worked with the public a day in their life.
Talk to me long enough and you`ll realize why I`m single.
I`m thinking about starting a vegetarian dance club... I`m going to call it "lettuce turnip the beets". What do you think?
Do you think the dude that invented the breathalyzer has any friends left?
I’m not going to vacuum until Sears makes one you can ride on.
This post was going to be really funny but I didn`t write it down because I was totally sure I`d remember it.
Do you want to hear a joke about constipation and dementia? ...Well, tough sh!t, I forgot it.
This bottle of beer is not only delicious,,,, It also contains almost 10% of my daily requirement of beer...