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You`d think my neighbors could have the decency to ignore me back.
Car horns were invented 1% for safety and 99% because people get pissed off sometimes and need to let a mofo know.
if its got tits you will get nothing but trouble !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gonna start a new job tomorow at a archaelogical site, I know I`m gonna dig it.
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself" -- 5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
I think I could be a farmer. Except for the dirt, waking up early, wearing overalls and planting crops. But I wouldn’t mind driving a tractor around.
Of all the martial arts, Karaoke inflicts the most pain.
I hate when I walk into the kitchen for food and only find ingredients.
I don`t need an excuse to drink, but thank you for giving me one.
My walk of shame is putting back the 9 boxes of assorted cereals that my wife found in the grocery cart.
I`m out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
Can`t they just make a "Poke infinity" button?
I haven’t lived paycheck to paycheck since my last paycheck.
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don’t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
How much tequila goes into mashed potatoes again?