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Seems like everyone is either trying to pretend they have the life they want, or escape the life they have.
They say that being successful and living well is the best revenge. That may be so, but rubbing your naked ass all over someone`s cell phone when they aren`t looking is pretty good too ?
The expiration date on my credit card is 4/20 and it always gets a good laugh when Im ordering pizza for delivery.
I always honk when I drive by homeless guys sleeping, just in case they overslept for a meeting
Ah man... i don`t have any notifications... better go check another computer
Why isn`t there a reality show called "Security Cams of Walmart?"
A buddy gave me some of his pee in a jar so I could pass a drug screen. I failed, which is weird, cause I drank ALL of it.
Timehop... reminding us that the stupid people we know today were just as stupid 5 years ago.
I spend more time looking in the fridge than I actually do eating.
I don`t like selfish people. I saw this guy pushing like 50 carts at Wal-mart last night. Really? You think someone else might want one?
My life is loosely based on a true story.
If a girl picks an iron in monopoly you know she`s a keeper
Facebook is a lot like a fridge. When you`re bored you keep opening and closing it every couple of minutes to see if there`s anything good, but nothing ever changes :b
I hate to call it "one night stands"... I prefer the term "auditions"
Ever wish the choice you made and the “right thing to do” were the same thing?