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Change of plans everyone: NOBODY Wang Chung tonight.
Didn’t have internet on my phone for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 17 books and showered.
My 14 year old sent a text asking me to pick her up from school and added "not in your pajamas". So I`m wearing hers because good moms listen.
Job interview: Please tell us why you’d love to work for us? ME: I need money :)
Do one thing every day that scares you. Or one thing that scares other people.
"Nothing is impossible." I disagree. I`m doing nothing right now... it`s totally possible.
Personality is 40% genetics, 40% upbringing, and 20% the last movie you watched.
F*ck spiders. F*ck them and the way they move their legs, f*ck their ability to multiply by the million and f*ck their eight, beady little black eyes that offer unblinking, soulless glimpses of the blackest depths of hell itself.
You laugh because you think it’s a joke. I laugh because you think I’m joking.
I got caught peeing in the swimming pool today... The lifeguard shouted so loud I almost fell in.
I can’t find the words to express how I have nothing to say
After all these years, I`m beginning to suspect that Waldo doesn`t want to be found.
Today I saw a girl with the word "Anel" on her butt. I was like, woah..it`s supposed to say "Anal"..it`s spelled wrong then I realized it was supposed to say "Angel". The G was stuck in her a$$crack
Politeness has become so rare, that some people mistake it for flirting.
The police want to interview me. Strange, I didn`t even apply for a job.