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I`m not sure if life is passing me by or trying to run me over.
You`d think my neighbors could have the decency to ignore me back.
Well I was gonna donate blood today until the lady got all personal and started asking "who´s blood is this?" and "How did you get it?"
Your shadow: What happens when light travels 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet by you.
Why do people ask “What the hell were you thinking?” Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.
When I become famous I`m not going to tell anyone.
I`m Not Single. I am romantically challenged
Listening to the voices in my head, I’ve concluded that they’re having more fun than me.
Waterfalls are a beautiful, majestic sight as they pour down upon the rocky crags below. Unless you`re in a canoe and about to plummet to your death. Then waterfalls sorta suck.
DAMN IT!!!!! I just ripped the tag off one of my Beanie Babies! Now it`s worthless!!
If at first you don`t succeed, find out where she lives.
Roses are red, violets are blue, daisies are white, sunflowers are yellow. This florist has everything.
Isn`t it weird when a cop drives by you feel paranoid instead of protected.
Farts are just ghosts of things that we ate. ;D
Now that 1 in every 3 people cheats in their relationships,I`m left wondering. . .Is it my wife or my girlfriend that`s cheating?