Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
i honestly hate saying sorry but when i do i really mean it :-)
When I see you in hell I`ll still ignore you
The best part about having an old VW is driving down the road and watching people punch the sh!t out of each other.
Pro tip - You can blame anything on autocorrect.
I don`t speak Spanish, but I`m pretty sure "Dora" means "annoying"
Pick a woman with wits. Wits will never sag.
I’m quite confident that the reason I’m single is because I didn’t forward that chain letter in 2003.
Going to tattoo shop to get both legs fully covered. Before he touches me with that needle, I run off yelling `thanks for the free shave loser!`
My son got one of those `Stop Bullying` wristbands. he took it away from a fat little ginger kid.
At what point will this meal make me happy, Ronald?
Don`t ya wish you could hold people up to the light like a $20 bill to tell if they`re fake or real?
When I first went on the pill, I put on some weight. Which proved to be a very effective contraceptive.
Oh, a spider just landed on my desk... In other news,,, When startled, I can jump 5 feet in the air with just the power of my ass cheeks.
Calories? I think you mean delicious points!
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Why are you doing this?