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Women don`t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think.
Remember, an easily stolen ADT security sign placed on your lawn is the first line of defense against crime.
I bought a $300 dollar tent so I can camp outside Best Buy for 3 days to save $20 on a TV.
Ya Know, if I was Jessie`s Girl. I would of dumped Jessie for Rick Springfield!!
I`m all over that like a fat kid on a Smarty
I told my 4-year-old she couldn`t open any candy yet. So she ate a Tootsie Roll with the wrapper still on it. That kid is a problem solver.
I see you liked my status... I accept your invitation for sex.
Apparently, I`m the only one that wants to drink beer at this intervention.
Vegetarian is an old Native American word for bad hunter.
My New Years Resolution is to be more positive and less sarcastic...I wonder how long this bull$hit fantasy will last.
For every idiot proof system devised, a new and improved idiot will arise to overcome it.
If there is not an open bar and a delicious cake at your wedding, I will take my gift card to Walmart back.
Slightly used Christmas tree only one month old. Paid $60. Looking for $40. No low ballers. Serious inquiries only. Come on let`s get this thing done.
Sometimes the problem with reality is the lack of background music.
I`d save a lot more money on car insurance if they quit spending billions on advertising.