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I got called pretty today! Well actually the full statement was "you`re pretty annoying!" But I only focus on positive things
What idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles?
Childless people wondering what it`s like to have some kiddos? Make a lovely healthy breakfast. Take it and throw it all over the floor.
Fart jokes ain`t funny, they stink.
My boss is having a colonoscopy today. I sure hope they find his head.
I`m trying to locate a girl from high school. You know, the one who could tie a cherry stem with her tongue.
Say no to drugs! Then again, if you`re talking to drugs, you`re probably already on drugs.
People who walk while looking at their phones and expect me to get out of the way... LOL.
You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
If you like to make love while listening to music, always choose a live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
My mother always used to think that my friends were bad influences. ..I wonder if she`s figured out yet that I was the one coming up with all the ideas? ;)
It was so cold today the local flasher was caught "describing" himself to women.
My 5yr old learned how to whistle if anyone’s looking for a new 5yr old.
What happens in Vegas stays on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Vine, and medical records.
I think Labor Day is to remind people that after a full day with the family, going to work actually isn`t so bad after all.