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The best nicknames are the ones people don`t know they have.
Can anyone recommend a good movie to kinda listen to while I stare at my phone?
Fun Fact: Even though they call it a "man hole", you can shove women and children down it just fine.
I think stupid people were put on this planet to test my anger management skills.
My car broke down outside a massage parlor on today ... And again tomorrow.
My little brother just told me I looked stoned as hell. Which is a little weird, considering I don`t have a little brother...
Not every flower can say love...but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst...but a cactus did. Not every idiot can read, but look at you go!!!! lol
I don`t drink these days. I`m allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs.
This drag race is not at all what I expected. Are they in dresses inside of the cars, at least?
It`s all shits and giggles till someone giggles and shits
Technically, if you don`t cut the cake, it`s still just one slice.
Yesterday I fell off a 50 foot ladder. It`s probably a good thing I was on the bottom step...
I`m so out of shape, Internet Explorer could probably run faster than me.
The man who created the Thesaurus has died. He`ll be fondly remembered, commemorated, memorialized, recalled and recollected.
has a Massive drinking problem ... there is no alcohol in the house!