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Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
Don`t ask me how my night was coz I don`t know. I was asleep.
Is it "I febreezed my crotch" or "I febroze my crotch"?
I am, have to avoid the leg cramps during sex, years old.
NO, I didn`t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.
She was rare, like an onion ring in french fries
Am I the only one who thinks my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair?
That`s a lot of selfies for someone that claims to be emotionally stable
I didn`t mean to offend you, that was just a bonus.
A high school diploma takes you 12 years to get, 2 minutes to frame and a lifetime to forget where you put it.
Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
The way my dog acts, you`d think his entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
At the end of each day, life should ask us, `Do you want to save the changes?`
I hate when Iām walking into the gym and the wind blows me into the liquor store.
"Always leave them wanting more" is my new mantra when paying bills.