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If gas prices keep going up I`m cutting off the bottom of my car and I`m "Flintstoning" That mf!
Monday is like canned spinach...I can can deal with it but I`d prefer something else.
If my smartphone was so smart, then why it can`t do my math homework
There aren`t enough love songs about the moment you see your luggage appear at baggage claim.
To clear a pop-up ad online, I was just forced to agree that "I don`t care about being healthy and smelling clean."
If at first you don´t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
If you need time alone, announce that it`s time to clean the house.
I wish my car was fueled by my lack of desire to go to work.
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on again?
Dear Toilet Paper Makers, We`ve all unexpectedly run out at some point. Please make the tube in the center softer. Thank you...
If a door closes in your life...kick that f*cking thing open and continue to pursue your dreams.
People are way less judgmental when you say you had an "avocado salad" instead of saying you ate a bowl of guacamole.
I would be a terrible stalker because A) I`m not motivated enough B) You would always hear the rattle of peanut m&ms behind you.
Be nice to me ... I may be hot one day.
The plural of beer is beer, which is very convenient when you are explaining to your wife why you were late coming home from work.