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The real danger of running with scissors is that a rock might fall on you.
Sorry I`m late, the floor was lava
Wish my husband got a check from the NFL for all the refereeing he does from his recliner...
If your camel toe looks like a elephants hoof, you might want to rethink the yoga pants.
Sometimes I think I`m a relatively smart person. Other times I put my shoes on before my pants and realize who I really am.
Not to brag, but they know me by name at the liquor store and the police station.
Was late to my first Fight Club last night so missed the intro rules. Still, Fight Club was brilliant and I`d highly recommend Fight Club.
I`m just wondering what the employees at the Weather Channel make small talk about.
Any woman can make you a Millionaire.. You only have to be a Billionaire first.
lifes like a box of chocolates, never know whatcha gonna get (:
next time you`re at a movie point at the screen when a scene with extras are on and say to your buddy "look, there i am!" and see how many people look over at you in awe.
Thanksgiving is a great time to test the boundaries of how drunk you can get before your family members notice.
If you want to bribe me food and beer works.
See, I would run, but it`s usually bodies of joggers that are found dead in the woods.
Sorry I said "nice phone" when you showed me a photo of your baby.