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Some people are normal. What an awful, boring existence that must be.
Modern video games are giving kids unrealistic standards of how many swords they can carry at one time.
Was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn`t the right answer...
The Internet: An electronic version of, "Now, why did I walk into this room?"
In actuality, Batman is just a more violent and dark version of Inspector Gadget.
The cable company told me they would send a guy out and I need to be home between the hours of 1pm and 2015.
If at first you don`t succeed ... run them over
Just washed my car with the squeegee at the gas station.
Ladies and Gentleman, I’ve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. There’s never enough beer.
I`ve found a new coping mechanism....................COOKIES!
Pretty sure airport food was priced by children just learning about numbers. "Ok Brian, how much should this apple cost?" SIXTY TWO DOLLARS!!
My neighbors listen to AC/DC at 6:00 every morning. Whether they like it or not...
Got kicked out of the casino again. Apparently, gold chocolate coins mess up their slot machines or something.
Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait
Thursday doesn`t even count as a day, it`s just the thing that`s blocking friday.